Possibly the most awesome/horrifying kid's special ever. Suspenders everywhere!

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Apparently the hip-hop star likes to troll Chatroulette like the rest of us. Penis peeper!

I think it's him. What say you?

Yes. Good.

Source: youtube.com

More storm-rattled than ravaged, my hometown of Millburn, New Jersey is a pretty good example of what many NYC-area suburbs looked like the morning after Sandy.

On October 30, the morning after Hurricane Sandy smashed through the east coast, Millburn, New Jersey did not look like Staten Island. Nor did it look like Rockaway Beach. Or Seaside Heights, Atlantic City and all the other demolished shoreside towns up and down the Jersey shore. Power and heat were out. Roads were closed. Soon there would be gas lines. Still, this town was lucky to have been merely inconvenienced compared to some of the more devastated parts of the state.

How about half the streets in town looked the next day.

I spent the morning after the storm walking around taking pictures. Partly to survey the damage, but also because our electricity was out and there was almost no cell phone reception, so there wasn't much else to do.

I would have uploaded these photos sooner, but it would be another nine days before power on my block was restored. (I have a desktop computer, so working at the town library wasn't really an option.)

Debris blocking Glen Avenue.

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It features “sexiest model in the world” and “Real Housewives of Miami” “star” Joanna Krupa.

(Sigh)

PETA Associate DIrector of Campaigns Lindsay Rajit defends the ad:

"Years ago, it was disgraceful for women to show their knees and we all laugh at that today. And I think that some day, nudity will stop being interesting...and when that happens, we will stop using that tactic. But right now, it's a really fun way to grab attention, and get people on the site. And that's why we do it."

Well, I'm offended—by the utter lack of thought and creativity that went into this "concept" hatched by an apparent 13 year-old PETA intern.

Krupa has been in several PETA ads before, including this naked crucifix layout (NSFW).

Via adrants.

That R2-D2 is in prime condition, a real bargin. When Joe wanted to propose to his girlfriend Emily, he knew a run of the mill diamond wasn't what she wanted.

Source: blog.custommade.com  /  via: geekologie.com

Source: blog.custommade.com

Source: blog.custommade.com

Source: blog.custommade.com

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With every holiday season comes a new crop of toys. Sometimes, the toy companies outsources their R&D departments to crazy people.

The Breast Milk Baby - Berjuan Toys

Finally, a present for the parent who wants to give their daughter the looming stress of their biological clock 15 years before they're psychologically ready to cope with it!

Rather than encouraging your little girl to explore the incredible world around her with a Dora the Explorer doll or kick alien ass with whatever this year's hot video game will be, remind her that those milk glands are only going to work for so long and sooner or later, she's going to need to give you a grandchild or two. Sure, school is important, but she's going to be in fourth grade next year already. Isn't it about time she starts looking for someone to settle down with?

Source: ww3.hdnux.com  /  via: cbsnews.com

Stylin' Studio - Girl Tech

It's more important than ever that children learn how to effectively use today's rapidly advancing technology, so that they're competent with current tools and tech by the time they enter the workforce.

And there's no more perfect way to get girls into technology than showing how it can make them prettier! With the Stylin' Studio, little girls can primp, pose, and poke at their image until they finally get it the way it should look. Teach them about the wonders of airbrushing this Christmas, and they'll be emailing the digitally perfected versions of themselves to their friends by New Years Eve.

Source: ecx.images-amazon.com  /  via: amazon.com

Shape Shifter Punisher - ToyBiz

If you thought terrible toys were only limited to traditionally feminine ones, don't worry. Boys can get in on this awful, awful party, too.

Little boys today are being brought up in a world that emphasizes empathy over dominance, caring and sharing over violence and explosions, and communication over emotional suppression. What's a terrible parent to do? With the Shape Shifter Punisher from ToyBiz, horrible parents across America can teach their sons that the only thing that matters is how big their "gun" is. "Shoot" your feelings out of you through your crotch, and be sure to remember that anything that gets your "weapon" up is a target!

[NOTE: To be fair, this is a picture of the toy in mid-shape-shift. The fully-shifted version is much more appropriate. The toy also seems to have been removed from toy stores.]

Source: comicsalliance.com  /  via: cracked.com

Her First High Heels - Heelarious

Everyone likes a cute baby, and nothing says "cute" like a great pair of Manolos. Introduce your infant daughter to high heels before she's even aware of the concept of walking with these "soft crib shoes designed to look like high heels"!

The website of the company goes out of its way to stress that the shoes are intended as a joke, are not designed for walking, and will collapse when any weight at all is put on them. Sounds like a great thing to be putting on the feet of a 0-6 month old human who is trying to figure out how to stand upright!

Source: heelarious.com  /  via: heelarious.com

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Perhaps some are better left unsolved.

Why do the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles need to wear masks over their eyes?

As if the key to identifying a giant anthropomorphic crime-fighting turtle is the eyes.

Source: rotpod.net

What happened to Shawn's sister Stacy? (Or Eric's Best Friend Jason?) (Or Morgan for Three Years?)

I like to think they went to Boy Meets World purgatory for a few years to atone with Minkus. [Minus Jason, who was busy being the voice of Max in 'A Goofy Movie']

Source: images4.fanpop.com

What mystery devil juice was Fruitopia, where did it come from, and who was buying it?

Sitting idly in middle school cafeterias from 1994-2001.

Source: vendingconcepts.net

Why did Ash Ketchum's mother allow her 10 year old child to roam the Japanese countryside fighting monsters?

Here's a photo of Delia Ketchum not winning "Mother of the Year" for the 10th straight time!

Source: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkwhjpgYky1qcamaso1_500.jpg

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Stop what you are doing and look at the cute frakking bird. After appearing on the Canadian “Dragon's Den” , owner Mary McQueen and Luigi The Lovebird won a starter investment for their business: having an adorable bird cut cards with his beak and then having the owner weave the remains into a collage. You had me at “adorable bird”.

Via: arbroath.blogspot.com

Try not to hyperventilate from the cuteness overload.

If you haven't seen this website yet, you are seriously missing out. Cutest Paw is essentially a Pinterest for animals, and you can even add captions to the pictures for greater effect. The following is just a snapshot of the magical content that brightens the web.

Shouting Polar Bear

Via: cutestpaw.com

Silly Grooming Kitty

By the way, I think this has meme potential. Just saying.

Via: cutestpaw.com

Squirrel Dog

Via: cutestpaw.com

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Adventure Time comes back for its fifth season this Monday! So let's celebrate the precious weirdo that is Finn the Human.

Algebraic!

Petraeus resigned as CIA Director Friday over his affair with Paula Broadwell , the 40-year-old married author of All In . “[Now] we all know that he was really interested in getting 'All IN' her pants.”

Left image via Flickr

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Pets are family, too.

The only one paying attention to the photographer.

Source: ruffledblog.com

A fancy suit.

Source: hockeygoalie

Flower dog!

Via: coloradospringsweddingflorists.com

Giving the happy couple some space.

Source: wadeandjoanna

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“My Wife's Lover,” a New York Times Ethicist submission from July, raises eyebrows with the news of Petraeus' career-ending affair. Speculate within!

Paula and Scott Broadwell in a Facebook photo.

Via: observer.com

On Friday, David Petraeus resigned as CIA Director after the FBI discovered he was having an affair. Petraeus' suspected mistress is 40-year-old Paula Broadwell, his biographer. Her husband, Scott Broadwell, is a interventional radiologist. They have two children.

Late Friday night, Foreign Policy Managing Editor Blake Hounshell tweeted — and dozens more shared and retweeted — this New York Times "Ethicist" column from July 13, in which a reader writes in that his wife is having an affair with a "government executive."

My wife is having an affair with a government executive. His role is to manage a project whose progress is seen worldwide as a demonstration of American leadership. (This might seem hyperbolic, but it is not an exaggeration.) I have met with him on several occasions, and he has been gracious. (I doubt if he is aware of my knowledge.) I have watched the affair intensify over the last year, and I have also benefited from his generosity. He is engaged in work that I am passionate about and is absolutely the right person for the job. I strongly feel that exposing the affair will create a major distraction that would adversely impact the success of an important effort. My issue: Should I acknowledge this affair and finally force closure? Should I suffer in silence for the next year or two for a project I feel must succeed? Should I be “true to my heart” and walk away from the entire miserable situation and put the episode behind me? NAME WITHHELD

The details strangely match up to the Petraeus-Broadwell case, if you believe that their affair began in 2011, as the Wall Street Journal reported, and that the "project" in question is the U.S. military's involvement in Afghanistan.

Chuck Klosterman, the "Ethicist," responds with skepticism that the question was submitted in earnest.

Don’t expose the affair in any high-profile way. It would be different if this man’s project was promoting some (contextually hypocritical) family-values platform, but that doesn’t appear to be the case. The only motive for exposing the relationship would be to humiliate him and your wife, and that’s never a good reason for doing anything. This is between you and your spouse. You should tell her you want to separate, just as you would if she were sleeping with the mailman. The idea of “suffering in silence” for the good of the project is illogical. How would the quiet divorce of this man’s mistress hurt an international leadership initiative? He’d probably be relieved.

The fact that you’re willing to accept your wife’s infidelity for some greater political good is beyond honorable. In fact, it’s so over-the-top honorable that I’m not sure I believe your motives are real. Part of me wonders why you’re even posing this question, particularly in a column that is printed in The New York Times.

Your dilemma is intriguing, but I don’t see how it’s ambiguous. Your wife is having an affair with a person you happen to respect. Why would that last detail change the way you respond to her cheating? Do you admire this man so much that you haven’t asked your wife why she keeps having sex with him? I halfway suspect you’re writing this letter because you want specific people to read this column and deduce who is involved and what’s really going on behind closed doors (without actually addressing the conflict in person). That’s not ethical, either.

Only Klosterman knows if this reader was actually Scott Broadwell. Though if Broadwell used a fake name or email address, he might be in the speculative dark with the rest of us.

Thanksgiving is right around the corner! And then Christmas! And then wedding season! Actually, there's no time of year when your table wouldn't benefit from a nice decoration.

Use a thin slab of wood to instantly make a vase of flowers look more special:

Owls optional. A lot of craft stores sell slices of tree trunks this time of year, and you can order them here as well. (Or just ask your best lumberjack friend to help you out.)

Source: rusticweddingchic.com

Forgo flowers and display dried stalks of wheat instead:

They're available at farmer's markets and in craft stores; the advantage to using these, besides the fact that they are pretty and smell great, is that your sightlines will be much more clear and you can see all of your guests' smiling faces. This is something to consider with all centerpieces.

Source: ndtony.blogspot.com

Make a centerpiece out of corks and candles:

Step 1: Drink every bottle of wine ever so you can tune out your great-aunt's complaints about the too-dry turkey. Step 2: Follow the actual directions here.

Source: ruffledblog.com

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Unfortunately, the answer to this question is: SLOWLY.

Image by John Gara/Buzzfeed

That's pretty common because they're often the cheapest, most available option. But now you have to make it not-frozen before you roast it. And the thing to know is this: That takes a really long time.

Source: thermoworks.com

A frozen turkey will thaw at a rate of 4 lbs per day in the refrigerator.

1. Keep it in its original packaging and place it breast-side up on a baking sheet with sides so the juices don't get everywhere.

2. Put it on the lowest shelf near the back of the fridge, which is the coldest, safest place for it.

3. Use an instant-read digital meat thermometer to check the temp as it thaws. Be sure to check multiple locations on the bird; the meat will likely be colder near the bone or in the center. You want an even 40-45°F throughout the bird.

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It's time for a Triple Crown of Speed.

The man. The myth. The guy whose prime we're wasting.

Image by David Gray / Reuters

Usain Bolt is the greatest sprinter the world has ever seen. Period. Full stop. End of discussion. Other things people say when they are trying to emphasize a point. He routinely beats the best runners on the planet without seeming to empty his tank. He's such an athletic freak of nature that a simple Google search brings up speculation that he could play in the NFL, suit up for Manhcester United, and win the long jump (an event in which he doesn't currently compete) at the Rio Olympics in 2016 (Bolt himself has expressed interest in this one). Hell, when you begin searching "Can Usain Bolt Outrun..." this is what you see.

(By the way, people trying to answer these questions always assume he'd be racing an average animal. Shouldn't he be racing the fastest bear/dog/lion? The Usain Bolt of dogs? To be the best, you have to beat the best!)

The motive behind these questions is clear: People want more Usain Bolt. They want to see Usain Bolt so much they would watch him race a dog. (Wouldn't you?) We want to see Bolt do what he was born to do — run really fucking fast in one of the most thrilling events in sports. We would pay to see it, in the sense that we would tolerate watching a bunch of ads leading up to a ten-second race in which he was competing. Why do we have to wait another four years to do this?

Usain Bolt doesn't technically take four-year breaks, of course. Olympic sprinters (and other track and field athletes) compete in what is called the Diamond League (formerly known as the Golden League before the United States, China, and Qatar began hosting meets alongside European contries). On September 7th, a month after reaffirming his greatness in London, Bolt ran in the Diamond Race (the league's finale) in Brussels. The title came down to Bolt, his countryman Nesta Carter, and American Ryan Bailey. Whichever of them took the final would take the title. It was as dramatic a set-up a race could hope for, and featured Bolt at the height of his popularity, and yet it was only broadcast on the Universal Sports Network. A station that you most likely do not have, and if you do, is buried deep on your dial. Though to USN's credit it was broadcast live. Unfortunately, that meant you'd have to be watching TV at 2:45 p.m. ET on a Friday to see Bolt win.

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Bill O'Reilly's forebears knew a thing or two about turning to the government when the free market wasn't cutting it.

O'Reilly with one Obama voter who definitely doesn't need help getting "stuff."

Image by Jemal Countess / Getty Images

“The demographics are changing. It's not a traditional America anymore,” a glum Bill O'Reilly said during Fox News' Election Day coverage. “And the voters, many of them, feel that this economic system is stacked against them and they want stuff... People feel that they are entitled to things. And which candidate, between the two, is going to give them things?”

What O'Reilly — and other members of what the Fox host called the "white establishment" who are blaming Obama's re-election on minority-group moochers — aren't mentioning is that white Americans have their own long tradition of using voting power to get an economic leg up. O'Reilly's own Irish-Catholic cohort is now seen as just another group that makes up the “traditional” establishment. But when the Irish were chased to America by famine and British repression during the 19th century, they faced violent attacks from nativist groups, political cartoons caricaturing them as apes, “Help Wanted — No Irish Need Apply” signs, and a butcher knife–wielding, one-eyed Daniel Day Lewis. Desperately poor, uneducated, and barred from even menial jobs, the one tool the Irish had at their disposal was their sheer numbers — according to Daniel Patrick Moynihan and Nathan Glazer's book Beyond the Melting Pot, by 1855, 28% of New Yorkers were Irish-born, with cities like Boston experiencing a similar surge. The Irish turned out in droves to support urban Democratic political machines, and in return collected the Christmas turkeys and government jobs that came with their newfound power.

“When you were elected mayor of a big city,” says historian David Nasaw, author of an epic Joseph Kennedy biography called The Patriarch due out next week, “you had fire department jobs, police jobs, you had teaching jobs, all kinds of jobs at all kinds of levels you could hire [Irish voters] for. The only way the Irish were going to climb their way into the middle class was through what we now call these civil service jobs. No one else was going to look after them.”

And it wasn't always just the ballot box, but also the bullet, that the Irish sometimes used to balance the scales of power. In 1863, New York City underwent three days of bloody draft riots that forced Abraham Lincoln to send troops from Gettysburg to Gotham. Poor Irish-Americans were enraged that they were being drafted and sent to die when wealthier citizens were able to pay their way out of service. The riots were put down and some of the organizers hung, but under the leadership of William “Boss” Tweed, New York's Tammany Hall political machine funneled jobs and money for schools, housing, and health care to the Irish in return for their peace and electoral support.

They weren't the only underclass group to benefit from government. “The Irish,” says Nasaw, “were competed with and replaced by Italians in Boston and East Boston and New York. Jews in Brooklyn. Greeks in other cities.”

There was a pause in the pattern when Congress heavily curtailed immigration in the 1920s. That left the Irish, Italian, and Jewish political machines in charge for longer than their natural life cycle, turning groups once considered dangerous usurpers of traditional Protestant power into traditional, respectable groups in their own right. Ethnic voting patterns shifted again after World War II, when large numbers of Southern blacks and Puerto Ricans migrated to Northern cities and America's only Irish-Catholic president, JFK, liberalized immigration laws.

The modern "handout" system, though, is more roundabout than it used to be. Political patronage in the late 19th century was so brazen that a man who'd campaigned for James Garfield in 1880 shot and killed the new president simply because an expected job never materialized. In the 20th century, good government reformers created hiring guidelines that thinned the number of jobs a politician could hand out to supporters. Politicians adjusted by steering more social services like public housing, health care, and anti-poverty programs to voters rather than giving them jobs outright, and their campaigns became less centered around mobilizing the proletariat and more centered on campaign contributions from companies and wealthy individuals (who, of course, were looking for their own forms of patronage via tax breaks, government contracts, and tariffs).

The old budgetary dictum says that “my program is a hand-up, yours is a hand-out." And just as the old-line WASPs of Boston and New York and Philadelphia claimed the Democrats were buying Irish and Italian and Jewish votes with jobs, an upper-class Irishman like O'Reilly can now say that Democrats are buying votes with all of the “stuff” that Obama voters supposedly expect from the president.

Just because that "stuff" comes in a different form now, though, doesn't mean patronage jobs are gone entirely. “In New York, I went to vote,” says historian Nasaw, "and it seemed like they just never got things figured out at the polling stations. Even Mayor Bloomberg said that it was a disaster. I was speaking to a friend who's in city politics and asked him, 'Where do they get these people working at the polls? Half of them are snarling and nasty, even the nice ones aren't very professional.' And he told me, 'It's the last piece of patronage left for the machine.'"

You decide.

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“Pretending to be a princess is fun, but it is definitely not a career.” Abby the muppet wants to know, “So, what kind of career can a girl like me have?”

Source: youtube.com  /  via: rawstory.com