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19 Hilarious Photos That Prove We Don't Deserve Cats


Here’s How You Could Collect Optimum Points On Medical Weed At Shoppers Drug Mart

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The most important question.

Shoppers Drug Mart, Canada's largest pharmacy chain, is seeking approval to distribute medical marijuana. With more than 1,300 locations across the country, that's a lot of pot.

Shoppers Drug Mart, Canada's largest pharmacy chain, is seeking approval to distribute medical marijuana. With more than 1,300 locations across the country, that's a lot of pot.

iPolitics reported Tuesday the company applied to the Government of Canada to be a licensed distributor under the Health Canada’s Access to Cannabis for Medical Purposes Regulations.

Although the license would also grant them production permissions, company spokesperson Tammy Smitham told iPolitics they only intend to dispense marijuana. She also said the company believes dispensing from pharmacies "would increase access, safety, quality, and security for the thousands of Canadians who use the drug as part of their medication therapy.”

Graeme Roy / THE CANADIAN PRESS


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24 Times Jane Was The Best Thing About "Bake Off"

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Mel: Jane is the Star Baker! Jane:*immediately turns into a tomato*

When she stopped to think about what she just said.

When she couldn't get her caramel to set and tbh we all related.

When she low key had the cutest friendship with Selasi.

And when he helped her out in her hour of need.

And when he helped her out in her hour of need.

Love Productions / BBC / BuzzFeed


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Missing Backup Dancer For Beyoncé And Rihanna Has Been Found

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Shirlene Amber Quigley, 32, was last seen on Saturday at New York City’s Port Authority Bus Terminal in Manhattan around 1 a.m., according to PIX 11.

Quigley, who is originally from Los Angeles, was wearing a pink top, jeans, and heels Sunday morning, police said. She also may have been disoriented and in need of medical attention, PIX 11 reported.

The North Bergen resident's phone was recovered inside a retail store in Manhattan, and her car was found on Monday by the NYPD, authorities said.

In addition to having performed with Beyoncé, Rihanna, Destiny’s Child, Missy Elliott, Mary J Blige, Jamie Foxx, and several other stars all over the world, Quigley also teaches dance classes at Broadway Dance Center in Manhattan.

Earlier in the day, Missy Elliott posted a video of Quigley to Instagram.

Instagram: @missymisdemeanorelliott

In the video, Quigley asks, “Imagine if we all treated each other like we were all gonna go to go to the same home at the end of the day,” and talked about the importance of practicing unconditional love toward strangers.

"This beautiful soul, and former dancer of mine is MISSING!!!" Rihanna wrote in the Instagram caption. "My heart aches thinking of how heavy this is on all who love her!"

Broadway Dance Center has also posted notices on Facebook since Quigley went missing.

View Video ›

Facebook: broadwaydancecenter

“Those who have met her know her spirit is always bubbly and kind & uplifting energy! Sending countless prayers🏾” Missy Elliott wrote.

This Dad Brings His 6-Year-Old's Drawings To Life

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“Imagining a world in which kids’ drawings are real.”

Meet Tom Curtis. He takes his son Dom's drawings and, with the help of some Photoshop, makes them spectacularly and hilariously real.

Meet Tom Curtis. He takes his son Dom's drawings and, with the help of some Photoshop, makes them spectacularly and hilariously real.

Tom Curtis / Via reddit.com

"The original thinking was that the photos would all end up quite creepy, but Dom wanted to make them funny," he said. "I think what we’ve created so far is a bit of both."

Curtis shares all of their creations on an Instagram account, "Things I Have Drawn."

Giraffe!

Giraffe!

Tom Curtis / Via sadanduseless.com

Tom Curtis / Via sadanduseless.com


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24 Adorable Products That Will Make Eating Fun

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Now eat your peas!

We hope you love the products we recommend! Just so you know, BuzzFeed may collect a share of sales from the links on this page.

Charlotte Gomez / BuzzFeed

Turn any meal into an adventure with a superhero-themed dinner winner tray.

Turn any meal into an adventure with a superhero-themed dinner winner tray.

Also available in Dinner Winner, Enchanted Forest, Pirate.

Get it from Amazon for $19.99.

amazon.com

Divvy up parts of plates for no-touching(!) sides with food safe-silicone plate dividers.

Divvy up parts of plates for no-touching(!) sides with food safe-silicone plate dividers.

Now you know your sides won't get ruined by mixing.

Get a two-pack from Amazon for $14.97.

amazon.com

Incite a giggle fit by trimming off crust with a poop-emoji cookie cutter.

Incite a giggle fit by trimming off crust with a poop-emoji cookie cutter.

If you're desperate enough to resort to toilet talk at the dinner table.

Get it from Amazon for $7.99.

amazon.com


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The Hardest Game Of Would You Rather For Men That Take A Dick In The Butt

What Product Should Everyone Who Rides A Bike Own?

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What do you use to make your bike more amazing?

Bikes are probably one of the greatest inventions of all time.

Bikes are probably one of the greatest inventions of all time.

GoPro / Via youtube.com

These days there are a million ways to customize your bike.

These days there are a million ways to customize your bike.

Neil Caulfield / Via youtube.com


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Plus-Size Women Tried On Halloween Costumes And It Did Not Work Out

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One size pretty much fits no one.

Alice Mongkongllite / BuzzFeed

Halloween — it's that time of year when everyone eats all the candy without feeling the tiniest bit guilty. Of course, it's also the time of year when everyone dresses up in costumes.

Halloween — it's that time of year when everyone eats all the candy without feeling the tiniest bit guilty. Of course, it's also the time of year when everyone dresses up in costumes.

partycity.com

Plus-size women often have trouble shopping for cute clothes for days that are not Oct. 31, but it turns out it can suck finding Halloween costumes that fit, too.

Plus-size women often have trouble shopping for cute clothes for days that are not Oct. 31, but it turns out it can suck finding Halloween costumes that fit, too.

Twitter: @BrittInToyland


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How Garbage Are Your Spider-Man Opinions?

17 Facts You Probably Didn’t Know About “Gilmore Girls”

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For example: Gypsy was in love with Lorelai, according to Rose Abdoo.

The Gilmore Girls pilot hired and fired two separate Deans before they got to Jared Padalecki.

The Gilmore Girls pilot hired and fired two separate Deans before they got to Jared Padalecki.

Mara Casey and Jami Rudofksy, the show’s casting directors, said at the Gilmore Girls Fan Festival in Washington Depot, CT this past weekend that they came in after the second Dean, Nathan Wetherington, was let go. (You can watch him in the unaired pilot here.)

One of the casting directors couldn't keep it together when Melissa McCarthy came in to audition for Sookie.

One of the casting directors couldn't keep it together when Melissa McCarthy came in to audition for Sookie.

“Melissa McCarthy came in and the energy just [skyrocketed] — people sat right up,” Rudofsky said. "I couldn’t keep my shit together," Casey added. "It was a terrible feeling to not be able to control yourself, because you want to be there for the actor [as a casting director]. And I laughed my ass off, and each time she came back I was like, I gotta get my shit together, man.”

Warner Bros.

The costume designers only had about a day to make those PJs with Jackson's high school wrestling photos all over them.

The costume designers only had about a day to make those PJs with Jackson's high school wrestling photos all over them.

"I saw Jackson [Douglas] and I said, 'I need you to email me pictures of yourself in high school,'" Valerie Campbell told fans at the festival. "I started photoshopping all the images of Jackson's face onto other people's bodies. I found some online, and then one of our [crew members]'s sisters had a son who was into wrestling. ... She brought us all her son's wrestling photos, and I photoshopped Jackson's face onto them. Then Brenda [Maben, the costume designer,] took the images and heat-pressed them at Kinko's. We were still ironing them on and got them onto Jackson just in time."

Warner Bros.

It was Rose Abdoo's personal belief throughout the show that her character Gypsy had a thing for Lorelai (Lauren Graham).

It was Rose Abdoo's personal belief throughout the show that her character Gypsy had a thing for Lorelai (Lauren Graham).

"When someone said to me that Gypsy had ended up with Andrew... I don’t even know why I thought this but I said, ‘Gypsy? She’s got a crush on Lorelai,'" Rose Abdoo said at the festival. "She’s so delighted to be in any scene with Lorelai. I’m sure you guys remember the episode where the town has pink ribbons and blue ribbons [after Luke and Lorelai break up.] I was very protective over her. …Gypsy loves Lorelai.”

Warner Bros.


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Get A Great Book Recommendation Every Week With The BuzzFeed Books Newsletter!

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Love to read? Learn about an awesome new book each week with our newsletter!

If you're looking to add a new book or two (or three) to your collection, then the BuzzFeed Books newsletter is for you!

If you're looking to add a new book or two (or three) to your collection, then the BuzzFeed Books newsletter is for you!

Ingram Publishing / Getty Images

With awesome new books being released all the time, it's tough to keep track of what's worth checking out — but the BuzzFeed Books newsletter makes it easier than ever. Every Wednesday, you'll get a new book recommendation directly in your inbox. It's that simple! Plus other great stuff from BuzzFeed Books on both Wednesday and Sunday, from book character quizzes to stunning and inspiring quotes from literature to roundups of classic novels everyone should read. With the BuzzFeed Books newsletter, you'll always have inspiration for your next read.

Check out some of our past recommendations, then enter your email below to sign up for new recommendations each week!


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23 Times Ciara Gave You Complete And Utter Style Goals

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Happy 31st birthday, Cici!

Ciara is no stranger to slaying a red carpet.

Ciara is no stranger to slaying a red carpet.

Bob Levey / Getty Images

She will come to your event looking like pure art.

She will come to your event looking like pure art.

Mark Davis / Getty Images

Whether she's serving you the latest high fashion trend.

Whether she's serving you the latest high fashion trend.

Pascal Le Segretain / Getty Images

Or serving straight up BAWDY.

Or serving straight up BAWDY.

Jason Merritt / Getty Images


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Which Celebrity Halloween Costume Should You Be Based On Your Astrological Sign?

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Take a cue from the people who overdo Halloween the most — Hollywood.

The Upcoming NBA Season, As Explained By "Mean Girls"

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The Golden State Warriors = The Plastics.

The NBA and Mean Girls are two widely beloved things. Their respective fan bases might not intertwine a ton, but if you look closely at the looming 2016-2017 NBA season’s biggest storyline, there are some glaring similarities. There's drama, cattiness, and competition around the NBA, and those things are all themes in Mean Girls. So, it only makes sense to explain professional basketball in terms of this sacred 2004 comedy. First and foremost, you should be familiar with some of the various types of groups and characters in the NBA.

Paramount Pictures

Just like Mean Girls had cliques, the NBA does too! You've got your freshmen...

Just like Mean Girls had cliques, the NBA does too! You've got your freshmen...

That’s Brandon Ingram of the Los Angeles Lakers, and he’s new to the NBA, entering his first season.

Harry How / Getty Images / Paramount Pictures

Unfriendly hotheads.

Unfriendly hotheads.

That guy with the ball is Matt Barnes of the Sacramento Kings. The dude behind him is his teammate, DeMarcus Cousins. The guy next to him is Zaza Pachulia. These are three of the biggest troublemakers in the NBA, and you’ll see them involved in altercations all season long.

Cary Edmondson / USA Today Sports / Paramount Pictures

Nerds.

Nerds.

That’s Kyle Anderson, and his shorts are as short as his socks are high.

Stocktonshorts /Paramount Pictures / Via Twitter: @stocktonshorts


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This Commercial About Immigrant Journeys Will Make You Ugly Cry

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Who knew soda could get so deep?

Jarritos, a very popular Mexican soda brand, recently came out with this moving commercial and that will make you feel inspired:

The ad is called The Journey and was directed by Mexican actor and director Diego Luna, the soon-to-be male lead of Rogue One. Since going up on October 18th, the video has been viewed 1.3 million times on Facebook.

youtube.com

The ad starts off highlighting the journeys and sacrifices of immigrants coming into the United States.

The ad starts off highlighting the journeys and sacrifices of immigrants coming into the United States.

Jarritos / Via youtube.com

We see different immigrant experiences, from those who came through Ellis Island in New York...

We see different immigrant experiences, from those who came through Ellis Island in New York...

Jarritos / Via youtube.com

...to those who walked their way through the desert from Mexico.

...to those who walked their way through the desert from Mexico.

Jarritos / Via youtube.com


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New Fiction By Lindsay Hunter: "Twentieth"

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Thoka Maer for BuzzFeed News

Dawn pulled a hunk of hair across her face. She’d never be over it, that mole she had, the poor thing. Well, I had ladder rungs of stretch marks running all up the insides of my thighs. Titsy had one globey boob and one saggy one, like she’d had two balloons but one popped. Something to do with irregular periods or something, is what she always said. We’d fantasized about showing up at our 20th high school reunion with that vengeful kind of fitness, perfect lipstick and interesting hair, open-toed shoes and not a corn to be seen. But alas. The point was that none of us was perfect. Neither, now, was Diane.

“Gotta be her, right?” Dawn said, ashing into her cupped palm. She meant the “extra-special guest” we’d been promised. We were standing around on the deck outside the event space — that’s what this place was, not a restaurant or a club or a hotel, but an Event Space, la dee da — and my feet in my dumb new shoes felt like they were wrapped in foil and baking in the oven. It was 7 o’clock in the evening but the sun shone like it was 2.

“Gotta be her,” Titsy said, nodding. We were holding drinks, shaking the condensation into a collection of potted cactuses that attempted to hide what appeared to be a sewer line, or wiping it on our necks and arms, trying to sip like ladies even though the sun had us feeling desperate to gulp.

We were talking about Diane again, how beautiful she was back then. Titsy was gorgeous, too, still was, but since she put out it was like a catchable kind of pretty. Diane had that other kind of pretty, that kind that wept through your fingers if you tried to grab on to it. None of us had seen her in years.

Even Dawn had her own way about her, naturally curly lashes and big wet brown eyes, but she had that bulb-like mole bulging out from the crease between her nose and her cheek, a witch-like accessory she tried to disguise with her hair, but hair can only reach so far across your face. At 19 she’d asked a doctor about getting it removed but when he started talking roots and scars she let it be.

I always saw myself as cute, or at least I tried to be. No one could get mad at cute.

Diane, though. Pond-green eyes and dark hair that tumbled down her back like it didn’t have a care in the world. Never yanked or spritzed or teased or ironed. It could make you feel real angry just looking at it, or at least it did that to me sometimes. I swear I got a third-degree burn from holding the hair dryer turned to high over my cowlick every morning. I remember Diane wasn’t all that pretty in elementary school. The boys were confused by her dark hair, her skin tone; they called her Little Indian and yelled oo-boo-boo at her and sometimes we joined in, but we always tried to feel bad about it. Then in high school it was like someone drew back the curtains and the real Diane stepped through, skin the color of almonds and long legs and a big smile for everyone, even the boy we all called Boogers, Judd was his real name maybe, or Jake or something. Even him.

Titsy fished an ice out of her glass, ran it along her jawbone. She aimed her eyes at a man in pleated gray pants whose face got progressively redder until it purpled and shimmered wetly at his hairline. Was it Philip Rogers? Hard to tell. Anyway, that move used to work wonders on guys, back in Titsy’s day. Now it looked like a gesture you’d see your math teacher doing when she didn’t know you were looking, something you’d mimic and laugh at later. But we were all older, I guess, all of us more teacher than student these days.

“I just want to see what she looks like now,” Titsy said. The ice escaped and she slapped at herself, trying to catch it, but it disappeared down the front of her tank and she left it alone. Maybe-Philip went back inside and honestly it was a relief; he was clearly the type who couldn’t handle the sun, had started breathing through his mouth, and was that ever a good look on anyone?

“Well,” Dawn said. “I think we all know what she looks like now, don’t we?” She laughed meanly, a snort, looking for us to join in.

“You just never know,” I offered, noncommittal, loyal to all sides, even Diane’s. She’d been in a couple of my classes senior year. I had a memory of us exchanging lopsided mugs we’d made in Art before Christmas break, mine painted with yellow stripes and hers painted with fluffy purple flowers, but I didn’t have anything like that in my cabinet at home, so it must be something I hoped would happen, or dreamed had happened, or I’d thrown it away moving home after college, but why would I have done that?

“I heard the guy died,” Dawn said.

“He did,” I said. “Heart attack in his cell.” We all cheersed to that, Titsy adding a “Fuck him,” and it was hard not to laugh at her, since she’d never been all that nice to Diane and here she was…well. We were talking about the guy. The old man who’d done it. I guess he’d shown up once before to Drippy’s, the ice cream store where Diane worked, had ordered a cone and talked to her about normal old guy stuff, what do you want to do with your life, what’s a pretty girl like you doing sticking close to home, back in my day and all that. I heard all this from Amber, Diane’s closest friend.

“Diane was just too nice,” I said, remembering.

“Too trusting,” Dawn said, with a whiff of disgust. Dawn was going through a divorce. Her husband’s idea. We had all hoped for a mistress, a fucking bitch we could hate, but so far it seemed like he’d just fallen out of love with Dawn, wanted to move on. And so life revolted her at nearly every moment.

"I can't believe you wore that," Dawn said to Titsy, in a way that was like wow, you're brave and also wow, you're sad.

Back then there were always rumors. Diane was away for a weekend and everyone started saying she’d met with a modeling agent in New York City, New York City falling from people’s lips like they were trying to pronounce an unpronounceable object, a flashing jewel worth more than a whole street of houses. Then we heard that a kind of famous college swim coach had dinner at Diane’s house, some said fish sticks and others said spaghetti. That was how in awe everyone was of Diane: We’d argue amongst ourselves about what she ate for dinner. My favorite thing I heard was that she had started IMing with Brad Pitt, late into the night most evenings. They’d stumbled across each other in a chat room, started talking about— I actually don’t know about what.

Diane was going to be someone, we all knew it. She would drift from our town and into fame and fortune as easily as an oiled key into its slot. You hear about people like that, sometimes. Even my dad had heard of her. “All right, all right, what’s she, fart glitter or something?” he said one night at dinner, stopping me short. I guess I talked about her a lot back then. The point was, if she didn’t make it, then this whole life was a joke. Just forget it.

“I can’t believe you wore that,” Dawn said to Titsy, in a way that was like wow, you’re brave and also wow, you’re sad.

Titsy looked down at herself, the tank with the bedazzled straps, the denim mini, the wedges. Kind of a throwback to our high school days, but modern, too, is how I’d describe it if asked. Dawn could be that way. She knew what to ask or say to make you feel just a little off-kilter, a little less confident. “Still got it,” Titsy replied, sniffing loud and authoritatively. You had to hand it to her.

“It’ll just be nice to see her again,” I offered.

“I just hope you don’t end up staring,” Dawn said, looking at me. I know what she meant, though. She hoped none of us ended up staring.

The old man — turns out he had seven grandchildren, had been married over 40 years — he was waiting in the parking lot at Drippy’s after Diane’s shift ended one Saturday. It wasn’t even nighttime; Diane had the day shift that ended at 4 o’clock. It was broad daylight. For some reason Diane went over to his window, maybe because he called to her — did she recognize him? She was just too nice. Too trusting, like Dawn said. The man reached out — maybe Diane thought, Is he going to touch my hair, or something? Aww, do I remind him of his wife when they were young? — and slashed her face to ribbons. It was a pocketknife; somehow Diane had ahold of it, tight in her fist, when the cops and everyone showed up, and who knew a pocketknife could do something like that? Somebody took pictures that the newspaper ran, and then later when that national magazine did the story, there were the pictures again. Rivers and rivers of blood, her red-and-white gingham apron soaked through. A thick scarlet X over her face. Her blinded left eye.

We all visited her in the hospital, the whole school did, it seemed like. Me and Dawn and Titsy went, once. Diane’s mom blocked the doorway. I remember thinking her hair looked dry, I remember smelling her hot breath, thick and gross with old coffee. She wouldn’t let us in, said Diane was resting, but we could hear her saying Who is it, Mom? Are they here to see me? in this hopeful voice that made us uncomfortable, Dawn needing a Big Gulp on the way home and Titsy going right out that night and doing it with Brock Stitcher, who was only okay-looking but had a nice body. I remember crying into my pillow until my whole head ached, but maybe that was a different night, for a different reason. I cried a lot back then.

They got the guy easily enough. He’d driven home and parked neatly in his driveway. Eight different witnesses had his plate numbers, and when they arrested him his hand was still sticky with blood. In the magazine his wife said it had to be a stroke, or an aneurysm, or someone put a gun to his head and made him do it, he was the sweetest most gentle man on earth, but the article also mentioned two young girls in the next county over who’d been slashed a decade or so before Diane’s thing, never solved, so it made you wonder.

And then, you know, years passed. We moved on. We heard Diane got her G.E.D. — she never came back to school — and then we heard she’d moved with her family somewhere, somewhere cold is what I remember. It became this thing that happened senior year, like how my mom always talked about the boy who’d been beheaded by a tree branch out joyriding one night. Except that boy died, so it became like this legend. Diane lived, so we stopped talking about it.

Every once in a while I’d look for her online. I’m pretty good at it. But Diane Roberts is a pretty common name, I guess. I never found her.

Then the other day, Dawn’s text. She’d sent us a link to a site solely devoted to our upcoming 20th high school reunion, run by the ever-pitied Kimber Ferguson, whose front bridge fell out and tumbled down the bleachers at the Halloween dance one year, cracking in two, so she was toothless for the full half hour it took for her dad to come pick her up. These are the things we used to see as tragedies. Well, at least now Kimber had the upper hand; she had a scoop: According to her blog, there’d be a special guest at the reunion. Someone we’ve all been wondering about after all these years…was I think how she put it.

Who else but Diane?

Dawn had sworn she wouldn’t go to the reunion. At our 10th she’d brought her husband, had grinded on him, danced around him like he was a filmy pole at a strip club, had introduced him to everyone who caught her eye. Now he was off somewhere, probably in his new apartment watching something boring, being not-married-to-Dawn. They’d all blame her, wouldn’t they? People always blame the woman. At least these are the things I assume she thought. All she actually said about it was Fuck if I’ll be caught dead with all those losers. But now here we all were. The sun was giving a little; the sky was the color of those sugared peach candies my mom always liked. Our drinks were empty save the ice, itself giving. We were the only people out here now, the only people still hiding. I felt sorry for us, suddenly, but I turned it into feeling proud of them, Dawn and Titsy, and me as well. There was still something that could shake us right out of ourselves.

“Let’s go in,” Titsy said, but just then Kimber Ferguson poked her head out; she actually looked great, elegant even, is how I’d describe it, with her tight bun and tons of pearls around her dainty neck — when had she gotten dainty?

“Okay, guys,” she said, like we were toddlers holding guns, and also like there were way more people outside than just us three, her eyes roving around, “it’s about to go down! Better get inside so you don’t miss it!”

“We already were,” Titsy said in her boredest voice, at the same time Dawn was saying, “It’s Diane Roberts, we all know it’s Diane,” but Kimber had already ducked back in.

Inside, it smelled like warmed cheese and fruit punch, not a terrible smell actually, kind of familiar and nice. Maybe-Philip was weaving outside the bathroom, a woman who was probably his wife standing in a way that you knew she had just said something like Well, I’m not helping you through this one but you also knew that she totally would. The space was packed — tables lining the walls and clumps of people wielding plates and waiters with zits and braces slouching around offering plates of tumbleweeds and glop, sorry but that’s what it looked like, and a tiny square dance floor where the drunkest of us, the valedictorians of alcohol ha ha, were really breaking it down. There had been 384 students in our graduating class. Diane would have made it 385. Even with spouses and plus-ones the room didn’t have anywhere near 384 people in it, but still it felt like too many. You wanted to start shoving, squaring off, just to get some breathing space. And then Kimber snapped on the lights, everyone looking around fearfully, like the lights were leading an assault. It was, what, 8 o’clock? And we were squinting like it was 3 in the morning. Eight o’clock and here was the big reveal.

A bartender handed Kimber a microphone and it squawked and shrieked, like it was a bird she’d squelched in her fist. I guess I was starting to feel like all of this was a bad idea, like those times when you decide to go to the beach but for whatever reason don’t get going until close to noon and then it’s like do I see this through, will I be disappointed if I don’t? And then you’re in traffic for two hours and you get burned immediately and you go home and eat something sad for dinner, like a days-old salad, and then you go to bed early convinced you’ll be alone forever, because you’ve been alone this long already.

The bartender thumped the mic against his thigh and handed it back to Kimber. “Okay, guys,” Kimber said again. “I know you’re all excited to find out who the big surprise is, and I’m not going to wait any longer.”

Judging by the murmurs in the crowd it was clear not everyone had read Kimber’s blog post, had no idea there was a surprise. Maybe-Philip’s wife pulled him outside into the parking lot, night night to them.

“It took a lot of detective work on my part” — here Kimber put her hand over her heart, and Dawn laughed, a sudden raspberry, elbowing me and Titsy, thank God there’s someone more pathetic than me, is obviously what she was thinking, with great relief. “But I finally found her.”

Kimber was sweeping her arm wide, ready to announce who it was. “This is so silly!” a voice called, somewhere behind us. We all turned to see who the heckler was and it was like a movie how the crowd parted, all of us dumb sheep making way, and it was her.

“Diane…Roberts!” Kimber yelled, the mic shrieking briefly.

I remembered how it felt to look for someone online and finally find them — there was always this like half second of triumph and then I just felt…nothing. You know, there’s a reason you lose track of people, is I guess what it always came down to. And also like, was anyone looking for me?

Someone started clapping as Diane walked toward Kimber — what else were we supposed to do? I heard a woman — was it Lisa Karnes? I’d been studying her, standing just to the left of me, trying to decide if she was wearing a wig or not — turn to a friend and say, Who? The applause swelled politely and then died down.

“Here I am!” Diane was saying. “It’s so great to see you all.” It was hard to see her face. Or, I could see it, but it was hard to get a purchase on it. Everything about her looked smaller, somehow. Of course I looked for a wedding ring, I guess that urge is about as involuntary as breathing for me, and I did see something glinty there, so.

“I need a drink,” Dawn whispered, and broke away. Titsy crossed her arms under her breasts. I always guessed she did that to showcase the perfect boob and anchor the other one. It was her Hurry up and get to it stance. You know how some people act like they’re always in a rush because some lady in some movie was always in a rush and it looked powerful or something? Like that.

“And well, this is kind of embarrassing in a way, all this fuss…I haven’t seen you all in so long…” It was clear Diane was starting to ramble. Kimber took the mic.

“Diane,” she said, her voice suddenly serious. “We all remember what happened…you know, to your face.”

“Jesus Christ,” Dawn hissed, back with a full tumbler of something pee-colored.

“Tell us how you made it through,” Kimber said, and held the mic out.

"Diane, I noticed you've had some work done. Whoever did it is a genius. You can hardly tell anything ever happened!"

See Something Say Something: A New Podcast About Being Muslim In America

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Every week on the BuzzFeed podcast See Something Say Something, BuzzFeed’s Ahmed Ali Akbar gathers folks together to drink tea, tell stories, and talk about being Muslim in America.

The first episodes premiere on Friday. In the meantime, here's a preview!


How To Listen:

1. Search for See Something Say Something in your podcast app of choice, like Overcast, Pocket Casts, Stitcher, Acast, Apple's built-in Podcast app, Google Play, and more.

2. Or, click the above embedded link to stream the show directly from this page.

3. Be sure to subscribe, so you never miss a new episode!

If you like the show, please rate and review it on iTunes. Questions? Comments? Email saysomething@buzzfeed.com.


I Showed A Bunch Of Mad Brexit Headlines To People From 12 Countries

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What do BuzzFeed writers around the world make of Brexit Britain? TL;DR: Everyone thinks we’ve lost our minds.

The government hopes to boost British exports in the wake of Brexit. The Department for International Trade tweeted about the possibility of exporting "innovative British jams and marmalades" to France.

The government hopes to boost British exports in the wake of Brexit. The Department for International Trade tweeted about the possibility of exporting "innovative British jams and marmalades" to France.

Javier (Mexico): "This is written by Monty Python, right?"

Scott (USA): "This sounds like an idea that a young child would come up with."

Sonia (India): "Reminds me of a classic Bollywood scene where these characters miss India and are genuinely afraid of what British culture might do to their kids."

Rafael (Brazil): "Innovative how? Like robotic self-spreading jams and marmalades? I would import that."

Pierre (France): "You know we already have Marks & Spencer on this side of the channel? Thanks, but we're good."

Daily Telegraph / Via telegraph.co.uk

Once the UK has left the EU it will need to negotiate new trade deals all over the world. A number of MPs have suggested bringing back the royal yacht – which was decommissioned in the '90s – as a sort of floating trade office.

Once the UK has left the EU it will need to negotiate new trade deals all over the world. A number of MPs have suggested bringing back the royal yacht – which was decommissioned in the '90s – as a sort of floating trade office.

Sebastian (Germany): "Maybe they also can exhume Francis Drake to restore the empire's power on the sea. Has everyone lost their minds?"

Alfredo (Spain): "So that's where the £350 million will go. On a fancy yacht. Classy, Britain."

Sonia (India): "If you do this, it should stay away from India. It was embarrassing when you left the last time."

Victor (Russia): "Have you guys heard about digital communication? Email works just fine, you know."

Mark (Australia): "+1 India. On several levels foreigners in boats do not mix with Australia."

Daily Telegraph / Via telegraph.co.uk

A Conservative politician started a petition calling for any British person supporting EU membership to be jailed for treason.

A Conservative politician started a petition calling for any British person supporting EU membership to be jailed for treason.

Scott (USA): "My only response to this is that I clearly died at some point earlier this year and my consciousness is now trapped in a parallel plane of existence that's been entirely scripted by George Orwell."

Sonia (India): "Honestly, we're facing similar stuff in India and I feel your pain. This can get too real too soon. Be wary of men like this."

Pierre (France): "And they say the US is crazy."

Eimi (Japan): "Whatever happened to democracy?"

Mark (Australia): "A travelling boat? Treasonous convicts? THE BRITISH EMPIRE IS BACK, BABY!"

telegraph.co.uk / Via Daily Telegraph

At the Conservative party conference, the government proposed a raft of anti-immigration measures, including a plan to name and shame companies that employ foreign workers.

At the Conservative party conference, the government proposed a raft of anti-immigration measures, including a plan to name and shame companies that employ foreign workers.

Sebastian (Germany): "As a German this reminds me of the darkest moments in our history. I can't even joke about it."

Conz (Argentina): "My family fled Europe during the war and landed in Argentina. I am now an immigrant in the US. This wave of anti-immigration breaks my heart. We are not all rapists and murderers and drug dealers or sketchy and scary. We all have different reasons why we left the countries we were born in, and all work hard to feel at home and get used to a culture that's not ours. We are not here to take what is yours, we are here to make everything better for you and for us."

Scott (USA): "When do they break out the coloured armbands?"

Mark (Australia): "This is not even a dog-whistle, it's a foghorn. For all the talk of 'Australian-style' immigration policies around Brexit, we wouldn't go here. The UK is better than this."

The Times


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People Are Freaking Out Over The Savagery Of This Halloween Brussels Sprout Prank

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“That’s so fucked up.”

In the last 24 hours, people online have been freaking out about a "fun Halloween prank" to pull on unsuspecting kids trick-or-treating.

In the last 24 hours, people online have been freaking out about a "fun Halloween prank" to pull on unsuspecting kids trick-or-treating.

Twitter: @MarkGSparrow

Other variations of the prank try to justify it for only the "little shits" who come a-knocking but don't put in the effort to dress up.

Other variations of the prank try to justify it for only the "little shits" who come a-knocking but don't put in the effort to dress up.

If you're curious, the first-ever chocolate-coated Brussels sprout treat — and where these images are from — was by a chocolatier from England in 2011.

The idea was actually, and ironically, conceived because children loved the taste of Brussels sprouts and chocolates.

Alas, the idea is not new, but the savage, American twist certainly is.

Twitter

Tons of adults found it hilarious. One even suggested upping the ante.

Tons of adults found it hilarious. One even suggested upping the ante.

Twitter: @BobBobbins1

Twitter: @MarkGSparrow


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