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Local Columnist Elucidates The Problem With "Deer Crossing" Signs

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FINALLY. H/T to Katie Nono .

Source: sunpoursdownlikehoney.blogspot.com

Early this week, the Avon Lake, Ohio Patch site published the latest column from one of their regular contributors, Kathleen O'Brien Wilhelm. The writer had previously righteously railed against the deer population in the town, saying that she is tired of waiting for "these idiot animals to get off the road," and that she has had two cars damaged by deer. She begged the city council to get rid of the "dumb animals." But it's in her latest work that she articulates an exciting new suggestion to keep these accidents from happening...

Image by Jamie McDonald / Getty Images

In her most recent column, O'Brien Wilhelm has figured out the real problem: Animals Can't Talk. She explains the real reason her cars were damaged, and how her city's government is wasting taxpayer dollars in the process: DEER CAN'T EVEN READ "DEER CROSSING SIGNS. Duh!

Signs that read "Deer Crossing" and the like are going to continue to pop up throughout our country including Avon Lake, but who are these signs for? Deer cannot read, do not obey the law and probably will cross where they wish. Although adorable companions, it is hard to remember the last time that the news reported an animal talking, thinking or providing significant input for the benefit of society. Yet, these signs cost taxpayers like so much of government."

O'Brien Wilhelm, having finally revealed the wasteful truth behing the "Deer Crossing" signs that dot our great country, goes on to explain why dogs, cats, whales, seals, and deer exist in the first place.

Dogs, cats, whales, seals and deer are animals that might enhance a human's life, but all cannot read, write or think. They are animals. Yes, people dress them, buy them extravagant blinge and do other strange things with them; however, animals are not human. They are on this earth like trees to make humans' lives better. As humans we must be kind to them, eat them when hungry, feed them when they are, but remember they are here to enhance our lives.

Some stuff about President Obama follows, and then our heroic columnist concludes her piece by making sure we understand that signs meant for humans, such as stop signs, are more than just "costly decorations." But these "Deer Crossing" signs meant for the obviously illiterate animals? WHAT A WASTE.


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Mini Cooper Wins Horsemeat Scandal

Is Chris Messina In This?

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That guy's in everything!

This is Chris Messina.

This is Chris Messina.

Image by Matt Sayles / AP

OK, ready?

OK, ready?

10 Reasons Why No One Can Top A "Princess Bride" Wedding

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When a princess decides to marry the farm boy love of her life, it's the most magical thing ever.

If we've learned anything from The Princess Bride it's this: true love doesn't happen everyday. Same goes for a Buttercup and Westley cosplay wedding.

The wedding photos include a sword and Dread Pirate Roberts costume.

The wedding photos include a sword and Dread Pirate Roberts costume.

Kudos to Offbeat Bride for pointing out this gem, and you can find the full wedding pics on their site!

Source: offbeatbride.com

The guests can drink Bottle of Wits wine, which is exactly one million times tastier than normal wine. (Though laced with Iocaine powder.)

The guests can drink Bottle of Wits wine, which is exactly one million times tastier than normal wine. (Though laced with Iocaine powder.)

At least your guests will die happy knowing that true love prevailed!

Source: offbeatbride.com

Here's a close-up on those bottles, so you can relish the full awesomeness.

Here's a close-up on those bottles, so you can relish the full awesomeness.

Source: thatsnerdalicious.com


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The Fastest Sloth In The World Hangs On A Boat

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This sloth fell from the trees and into this speedboat, where he experienced the ride of a lifetime.

In the first video, the sloth is getting oriented and seems a little seasick.

Source: youtube.com

But in video #2, sloth dude hits his stride and is living it up.

Source: youtube.com  /  via: huffingtonpost.com

A trio of GIFs for your sloth-on-a-boat reaction needs:

A trio of GIFs for your sloth-on-a-boat reaction needs:

Image by Summer Anne Burton/Buzzfeed

Image by Summer Anne Burton/Buzzfeed


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18 Ways To Drop The Bass

True Facts About The Mantis

25 Cereals From The '80s You Will Never Eat Again


How Well Do You Know '90s TV Theme Songs?

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Sure, everyone can recite The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song by heart — but how well do you really know the lyrics behind your favorite '90s TV shows? See if you can identify the lines below.

The Cast Of "Happy Endings" Made A Harlem Shake Video

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Does this go on the list of reasons why the show should be saved?

15 Celebrity Wines You Never Knew Existed

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Want to impress your guests at the next fancy dinner party?! Then maybe don't buy any of these. Or do. Whatever.

Fergie

Fergie

Source: fergusoncrest.com

Spoiler alert: There is a Fergalicious wine and it should be the gift you buy everyone this year.

As to why the singer started a winery, she said, "Since starting Ferguson Crest in 2006, I've gotten the chance to grow something beautiful with my father again, and this time around share our family treasure so that each of you can taste the love and care that's gone into every bottle."

She is sooo daddy's little drunk girl!

Madonna

Madonna

Source: absolutemadonna.com

Madge is not above giving you the opportunity to sip from her wine goblet, especially when you're paying $39.99 a pop and helping to supplement her future as a frozen goblin.

To be fair to the Material Girl, the five varieties of Madonna wine (in Pinot Grigio, Pinot Noir, Gewurztraminer, Cabernet Franc and Chardonnay) were crafted by her father, Tony Ciccone, at their family's Ciccone Vineyard in Michigan.


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Holy Cow, Guess Who Bill Nye Looks Like?

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America's favorite scientist was on the news today and he looked amazing.

Bill Nye and Spock. Long-lost brothers.

Bill Nye and Spock. Long-lost brothers.

If you think about it, this makes sense. Further proof includes:
1. They are both into space.
2. They are both scientists. Spock served as science officer on the Enterprise.
3. They are both sex symbols.

Source: startrek.com

The Best Dunks Of The 2013 NBA Dunk Contest

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It was a weird contest. A kid almost died.

The highlight of the first round was Gerald Green's first dunk.

The highlight of the first round was Gerald Green's first dunk.

Unfortunately the rest of the first round was marked by missed and lame dunks.

The second and final round was a showdown between Jeremy Evans and Terrence Ross. First Jeremy Evans dunked over a painting he painted of himself dunking over a painting (presumably that he painted of himself, etc...).

The second and final round was a showdown between Jeremy Evans and Terrence Ross. First Jeremy Evans dunked over a painting he painted of himself dunking over a painting (presumably that he painted of himself, etc...).

See?

See?


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Fairly Accurate Descriptions Of 13 Canadian Provinces

The Raddest, Baddest Hairdryer Of The '80s

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This is the best kind of gun control.

Behold, the 357 Magnum hair dryer by Jerdon, circa 1981.

Via: messynessychic.com

Beautifully engraved. A real collectors' item.

Beautifully engraved. A real collectors' item.

Source: etsy.com

It comes with its own cute holster.

It comes with its own cute holster.

Source: etsy.com

Quick dry option. Sort of like a duel with your hair.

Quick dry option. Sort of like a duel with your hair.

Source: etsy.com


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The World's Squeakiest Frog Shares Its Mating Call

Why Do You Hate Instagrams Of Brunch?

Mississippi Finally Gets Around To Ratifying 13th Amendment

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It took 147 years, but the Southern state just agreed to abolish slavery. Thanks, Lincoln !

A scene from Lincoln.

Via: thelincolnmovie.com

It started, as the Clarion Ledger notes, with a screening of the Academy Award-nominated Lincoln. Mississippi resident and India native Dr. Ranjan Batra watched the movie "and wondered afterward what happened when the states voted on ratification."

She later learned online that New Jersey, Delaware, Kentucky and Mississippi rejected ratifying the amendment in 1865.

In the 147 years since the 13th Amendment became national law, those four states have come around. Except, technically, Mississippi.

A confederate flag is seen at a tombstone at Jefferson Davis' historic home in Biloxi, Miss., on Aug. 16, 2012, during commemoration of the 150th anniversary of the Civil War.

Image by Gerald Herbert / AP

In 1995, a state resolution was introduced to ratify the amendment. It passed through the Mississippi Legislature, but for some unknown reason, the Secretary of State never completed the final step — sending a copy to the Office of the Federal Register.

Batra shared her research with a colleague, Ken Sullivan, who contacted the office of Secretary of State Delbert Hosemann. According to the Ledger, Hosemann then sent a copy of the 1995 resolution to the U.S. archivist, and on Feb. 7, the Director of the Federal Register made the state's ratification official.

As Hosemann later told the newspaper, "It was long overdue."


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12 Ways Disney Classics Could Have Been Totally Different

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If Disney had stayed true to the source material, these movies would have been a whole lot darker. Here are some of the more gruesome plot points that got cut.

Pinocchio kills Jiminy Cricket.

Pinocchio kills Jiminy Cricket.

In Carlo Collodi's novel The Adventures of Pinocchio, the Talking Cricket acts as Pinocchio's conscience, but Pinocchio kills him as soon as he tries to give the marionette advice.

Image by Disney

Snow White's Queen dances herself to death.

Snow White's Queen dances herself to death.

In the Grimms' fairy tale, the Queen receives a gruesome punishment: She's forced into glowing-hot iron shoes, which cause her to "dance" until she dies from exhaustion.

Image by Disney

The Little Mermaid dies.

The Little Mermaid dies.

The Hans Christian Andersen story ends with the Little Mermaid dissolving into sea foam. She could have saved herself — but only if she'd murdered the Prince and let his blood drip on her feet.

Image by Disney

Rapunzel's Prince is blinded by thorns.

Rapunzel's Prince is blinded by thorns.

In the Grimms' fairy tale, Rapunzel's poor Prince is shoved out the window by the Witch and lands face-first into thorns, which blind him. As for Rapunzel, she's cast out into the wastelands where she bears his twins.

Image by Disney


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21 Memories From The "Mean Girls" Red Carpet Premiere

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