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Maria Sharapova's Boyfriend Will Truly Quench Your Thirst

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You definitely will want to return his serve.

This is Maria Sharapova. She's a Grand Slam tennis champion, and pretty much runs the show wherever she goes.

This is Maria Sharapova. She's a Grand Slam tennis champion, and pretty much runs the show wherever she goes.

Getty Images / Clive Brunskill

And this is Grigor Dimitrov, her Bulgarian boyfriend. He's a tennis player too, but that is just really his part-time job. Because really, he's a full-time heartthrob.

And this is Grigor Dimitrov, her Bulgarian boyfriend. He's a tennis player too, but that is just really his part-time job. Because really, he's a full-time heartthrob.

Getty Images / Julian Finney

Look at that million-watt smile. DAWWWWWW.

No one should look this good when taking a bath. NO ONE. You're supposed to have pruning skin and soap in your hair.


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10 Episodes Of "Goosebumps" That Totally Messed Up Your Childhood

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Reader beware…you’re in for some serious throwback…

Don't lie. This show fucked you up as a kid and you know it. R.L. Stine somehow managed to traumatize an entire generation of children. The big question is, which was scarier: the monsters, or the acting? Or was it the fact that they were all painfully and obviously Canadian?

"Night of the Living Dummy Saga"

"Night of the Living Dummy Saga"

SO FIRST OF ALL THERE'S THIS ASSHOLE. Oh my god, he just kept coming back. Over and over and over again, like a bad case of the heebie jeebies. Like Jesus Christ, just go the fuck away. BUT HE NEVER DID. He went after family after family, and caused child after child bed-wetting nightmares. The eyes and the mouth, and the fact that he was, I don't know, A FUCKING LIVING DUMMY were scary enough, and then there was its VOICE. Like imagine waking up in the middle of the night and having that thing looming over you sounding like Gilbert Gottfried. *Full body shudder* And did I mention that his name was SPANKY??? Gross.

20th Television

"Say Cheese and Die"

"Say Cheese and Die"

Is that you, Ryan Gosling??? YOU BET YOUR SWEET RYAN GOSLING ASS IT IS. To be honest, that's really the only reason why this episode is on this list: to remind us that even back as a baby goose (or: Gosling) this guy was breaking hearts and taking haunted pictures of his friends with a camera stolen from a creepy abandoned house. So not only did R.L. Stine give us nightmares, but he also gave us a few uncomfortable sex dreams too about our favorite camera-wielding teen. The episode came out in 1996, meaning that Gosling was about 16, and I was probably one and a half. But hey, age is just a number, right?

20th Television

"Stay Out of the Basement (Parts I and II)"

"Stay Out of the Basement (Parts I and II)"

One of the earliest episodes in the first season of Goosebumps, this episode made kids not only scared of their fathers, but of their gardens too. Basically some Maury shit went down and it's all fucked.

20th Television


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23 Questions You Will Ask If You Decide To Watch "Made In Chelsea"

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You know that posh programme on E4 that some people keep raving on about? Here is what you’ll say if you actually sit down and watch a few episodes.

Why do these people in this show do yoga...

Why do these people in this show do yoga...

Made in Chelsea / Monkey Business / channel4.com

...and then jump into an incredibly deep discussion about someone else's complex relationship issues?

...and then jump into an incredibly deep discussion about someone else's complex relationship issues?

Made In Chelsea / Monkey Business / channel4.com

Or go out in a 4X4 to a forest, get stuck in a ditch...

Or go out in a 4X4 to a forest, get stuck in a ditch...

Made In Chelsea / Monkey Kingdom / channel4.com

...and then proceed to talk about about their friend being sad because Jamie has cheated on them?

...and then proceed to talk about about their friend being sad because Jamie has cheated on them?

Guys, how is the car?

Made in Chelsea / Monkey Kingdom / channel4.com


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15 Penis Facts That Will Blow Your Mind

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Phallic phacts at their phinest.

Foreskins can be used to make skin graphs for burn victims. One foreskin can actually provide four acres worth of grafted skin.

Foreskins can be used to make skin graphs for burn victims. One foreskin can actually provide four acres worth of grafted skin.

That's a small farm!

Getty Images/Fuse Fuse

The world's largest penis is 13.5 inches.

The world's largest penis is 13.5 inches.

Jonah Falcon of New York is the proud owner of that meat monster.

TLC / Via google.com

According to a study by the University of Ulster-Northern Ireland, men in the Republic of Congo have the biggest average penis size in the world.

According to a study by the University of Ulster-Northern Ireland, men in the Republic of Congo have the biggest average penis size in the world.

They were first with an average length of 7.1 inches.

commons.wikimedia.org

Humans are the only primates that do not have have bones in their penises.

Humans are the only primates that do not have have bones in their penises.

So there is no actual bone in a boner.

Getty Images/iStockphoto AlbertoLoyo


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19 Reasons To Be Psyched About Michael Che Coming To "Weekend Update"

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Basically: He’s really, really funny.

Why, you ask? Let us tell you.

First off, he's been killing it on the stand-up circuit since 2009.

First off, he's been killing it on the stand-up circuit since 2009.

NBC / Via nbc.com

NBC / nbc.com


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9 Celebrity Facts That Sound Like Lies But Are Actually True

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Ryan Gosling, quit playing games with my heart!

BuzzFeedYellow / Via youtube.com

22 People Who Definitely Aren't Reptilians

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(Sponsored by Unicorp Alliance for Definitely Humans™.)

Barack Obama, definitely not a Reptilian. You can trust him, humans!

Barack Obama, definitely not a Reptilian . You can trust him, humans!

Larry Downing / Reuters

Kris and Bruce Jenner

Kris and Bruce Jenner

Steve Marcus / Reuters

Pharrell Williams. Nothing to hide here.

Pharrell Williams. Nothing to hide here.

Danny Moloshok / Reuters

Donald Rumsfeld, DEFINITELY not a Reptilian

Donald Rumsfeld, DEFINITELY not a Reptilian

Sam Morris / Reuters


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31 Mothers With Sons Who Are Raising Them Right


8 Celebrity #TBT Photos You May Have Missed This Week

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A glam looking Jeremy Renner and a 15-year-old Reese Witherspoon are all is in this #ThrowbackThursday roundup.

Reese Witherspoon took us back to the set of her second film, Wildflower.

instagram.com

While Ice Cube had a Jheri curl.

instagram.com


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DIY Projects On Instagram Vs. Real Life

31 Glorious Game Day Snacks You Need In Your Life

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While you guys watch the game, I’ll be over here eating bacon-wrapped avocado fries.

Jenny Chang / BuzzFeed

Bacon-Wrapped Puff Pastry Sticks

Bacon-Wrapped Puff Pastry Sticks

Prime dipping material right here. Get the recipe.

halfbakedharvest.com

Loaded Crock Pot Carne Asada Tacos

Loaded Crock Pot Carne Asada Tacos

Waiting all day for Sunday night. (...because that's when the Crock Pot carne asada will be ready, obvs.) Get the recipe.

halfbakedharvest.com

Spicy Sriracha Chex Mix

Spicy Sriracha Chex Mix

Chex Mix on its own is good. Chex Mix mixed with Sriracha, melted butter, soy sauce, ginger, and garlic is even better. Get the recipe.

mybaconwrappedlife.com


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Welcome To The Year Of Adam Driver

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With three films at the Toronto International Film Festival, the Girls star has impressively found a way to both stand out and separate himself from the character that made him famous.

Jessica Miglio / Via Warner Bros.

For three seasons on HBO's Girls, Adam Driver's Adam Sackler has been entangled in a toxic, consuming, and unstable relationship with Hannah Horvath (Lena Dunham). Sure, Sackler has allowed Driver to show off his range: immense kindness when Hannah has a breakdown, anger when she won't give him space, and genuine and justified frustration at any given time in response to Hannah's behavior. But all of that is dependent on Hannah; Sackler doesn't exist without her. In Driver's three upcoming films that recently played at the Toronto International Film Festival — This Is Where I Leave You, While We're Young, and Hungry Hearts — he proves he can do much more than play off of someone else. He's the one who set the tone.

Though the 30-year-old actor has taken on other notable supporting roles since the public first met — and loved to loathe, or just plain loathed — Adam Sackler (Al in Inside Llewyn Davis, Lev in Frances Ha, and Allan in What If?), the film adaptation of Jonathan Tropper's popular novel This Is Where I Leave You — which had its world premiere at TIFF and opens nationwide on Sept. 19 — proves he can establish himself among such a large and much more seasoned cast.

Jessica Miglio / Via Warner Bros.

Though Tropper's story centers on Judd Altman (Jason Bateman) as he tries to piece his life back together after finding his wife in bed with his boss and then, in a matter of weeks, dealing with his father's death, it's the complicated relationship between the four Altman siblings that's the heart of the film. Judd, Phillip, Tina Fey's Wendy, and Corey Stoll's Paul are forced to reunite under the same roof for a week to sit shiva, a custom the nonreligious, but Jewish family is unfamiliar with, but does so to honor the final wish of their deceased dad.

As Phillip, the youngest of the four Altman siblings, Driver first appears racing up to his dad's funeral (late) in a Porsche. It's difficult not to think about Sackler when looking at sloppy, immature, reckless, and selfish Phillip. He's certainly similar to the initial version of Hannah's on-again-off-again boyfriend Girls fans were first introduced to in Season 1. But before the funeral is over, Sackler is nearly forgotten.

Positioned between ensemble veterans like Fey and Bateman, Driver isn't overshadowed. In fact, he's the one viewers' eyes are drawn to. In one of This Is Where I Leave You's most hilarious moments of (albeit substance-induced) levity, it's Driver's clowning around that is most appreciated, even while sharing the frame with Arrested Development's Bateman.

And Driver is also behind one of the movie's sweetest moments in which Phillip and Judd escape the hectic Altman home and take a drive in the Porsche. Phillip speeds hastily down the street, seemingly unconcerned with his surroundings, until Judd finally convinces him to stop the car so he can move into the driver's seat. But Phillip drives off before Judd can even finish closing his door behind him. What at first seems like a signature dick move is actually the opposite — Phillip knew exactly where he was going the whole time, intentionally stranding his brother directly in front of his crush Penny's (Rose Byrne) place of work. When he returns an hour later to pick Judd up, Driver plays Phillip with the perfect mix of smugness, pride, and kindness, without saying a word. And he gets the last laugh.


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Bush World Agrees: Condi Rice Should Be NFL Commissioner

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The internet has spoken, and so has Karl Rove.

Condoleezza Rice

Michael Fiala / Reuters / Reuters

As pressure mounts on the National Football League to replace its commissioner, a quirky draft movement has formed on the internet behind former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice — and her old colleagues in the Bush administration tell BuzzFeed News they're on board.

Karl Rove, former deputy chief of staff under George W. Bush, said Rice would excel in the position.

"I think Condi would succeed in any job she had, as she did when she was National Security Advisor, Secretary of State, Provost of Stanford, etc.," Rove said. "If it's a job she wants, with her encyclopedic knowledge of the sport and passion for the game, I have no doubt she'd be great."

Elise Jordan, who served as Rice's speechwriter at the State Department, added, "She knows and loves the game, and her leadership could energize the league and attract a broader fan base for the sport."

The Condi-for-commissioner buzz started with a column earlier this week by liberal Washington Post writer Jonathan Capehart, who noted that Rice, a diehard Browns fan, has publicly coveted the gig in the past. Since then, writers, bloggers, and tweeters across the political spectrum have talked up the idea, arguing that handing the reigns over to a woman of color might be the best way for the league to seriously address its issues of abuse and violence.

Zalmay Khalilzad, who was U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations under Bush, said Rice has always worn her football obsession on her sleeve.

"She would talk a lot about it even with foreign leaders who did not necessarily follow the game," including Kurdish leaders in Iraq, and Afghanistan President Hamid Karzai, he said.

"She brings energy, diversity, increased interest by women in the game... I think it would be a positive change at the top. I think it would be great," Khalizad said. He added that the NFL could use an aggressive leader to tackle the league's cultural issues laid bare in the recent Ray Rice scandal.

"When she sees a problem, she goes after it. She's tenacious."

ISIS Now Has Up To 31,000 Fighters — More Than Many Nations' Armies

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The terrorist organization’s forces have doubled, and possibly tripled, in size after recent victories, according to the CIA.

ISIS fighters.

AP Photo/Militant Website, File

ISIS's ranks were previously estimated at about 10,000 fighters, but a new Central Intelligence Agency assessment revealed that the group's forces have surged in recent months, the Associated Press reported Thursday. New fighters have flocked to the group due to better recruitment after battle victories, as well as the declaration of a caliphate, CIA spokesman Ryan Trapani told AP.

The CIA's latest assessment was produced from a review of intelligence reports between May and August. Additional intelligence also contributed to the higher numbers.

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, who is purported to be the reclusive leader of the militant “Islamic State,” speaking in Mosul.

Reuters TV / Reuters

President Obama insisted Wednesday that despite declaring a caliphate and controlling large swaths of land in Iraq and Syria, ISIS is not actually a "state." Still, if the group does have 31,500 fighters it would have a larger force than the standing militaries (not including reserves) of these countries:


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18 Sickeningly Romantic Ways To Ask Out Your Crush

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To all the hopeless romantics out there… you’re making us look bad.

Even if you manage to muster up the courage, asking someone out isn't easy.

Even if you manage to muster up the courage, asking someone out isn't easy.

tattooed-motherfucker.tumblr.com

But let's not forget that life is fleeting and love is beautiful! So, here are some tips from all the hopeless romantics out there on how to ask out that special someone.

But let's not forget that life is fleeting and love is beautiful! So, here are some tips from all the hopeless romantics out there on how to ask out that special someone.

Thnk outside the box to make the moment memorable:

Thnk outside the box to make the moment memorable:

youmightbealesbianif.tumblr.com

There is no such thing as too much cheese:

There is no such thing as too much cheese:

sunlight-was-never-that-dark.tumblr.com


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Our 9 Favorite Feature Stories This Week: Tinder, A Water Park, And Atheism's Misogyny

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This week for BuzzReads, Mark Oppenheimer questions whether organized atheism is hostile to women. Read that and these other stories from BuzzFeed and around the web.

Will Misogyny Bring Down the Atheist Movement? — BuzzFeed

Will Misogyny Bring Down the Atheist Movement? — BuzzFeed

The continuing debate over a murky sexual encounter at a 2008 convention for cheekily anti-establishment skeptics underscores a broader dilemma: How can a progressive, important intellectual community behave so poorly towards its female peers? Read it at BuzzFeed.

John Gara / BuzzFeed

The Afghan Girls Who Live as BoysThe Atlantic

The Afghan Girls Who Live as Boys — The Atlantic

A fascinating story by Jenny Nordberg about why some families in Afghanistan raise their daughters as boys until they hit puberty — despite much risk. Read it at The Atlantic.

Photos by Adam Ferguson for The Atlantic

Two Undocumented Kids Made It To Connecticut, But That’s Only The Beginning — BuzzFeed

Two Undocumented Kids Made It To Connecticut, But That’s Only The Beginning — BuzzFeed

More than 60,000 unaccompanied minors from Central America have already arrived this year. Two of the lucky ones tell their harrowing story to BuzzFeed News’ Nicolás Medina Mora. Read it at BuzzFeed.

Nicolas Mora / BuzzFeed


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Everyone's Annoyed With Kanye West For Telling A Kid In A Wheelchair To "Stand Up" At A Concert

My Year In The NRA

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Illustration by Rob Dobi for BuzzFeed

Not a week had gone by since Adam Lanza stole an AR-15 from his mother's arsenal, killed her, and drove through my hometown to Sandy Hook Elementary School to massacre 20 first-graders and six teachers. Seventy neighbors and friends were crammed into a room at the C.H. Booth Library on Newtown's Main Street, a few doors down from the Honan Funeral Home, which had just prepared a 7-year-old girl’s body for a closed-casket wake.

It was our third meeting since the tragedy. Our numbers were growing. Both Connecticut senators had come to speak to us. Media outlets from around the world were requesting interviews. Our “Newtown United” Facebook page was gathering thousands of followers a day, but we were not united about what to do.

One man passed around a petition for a local ordinance to ban assault weapons in town. Another urged everyone to picket the headquarters of the National Shooting Sports Foundation, a lobbying group for gun manufacturers — a sort of NRA mini-me — headquartered ironically here in Newtown, where I had grown up and returned a decade ago to raise my own family.

A representative from Michael Bloomberg's gun-prevention group arrived and handed out literature, accompanied by Stephen Barton, a recent college graduate from neighboring Southbury, who was shot at the midnight screening of The Dark Knight in Aurora, Colorado, about five months earlier. Elizabeth Esty, newly elected to represent Connecticut's 5th Congressional District took the floor, vowing to make "gun control" the guiding mission of the 113th Congress. After the guests left, we resumed arguing.

The next day, NRA Executive Vice President and CEO Wayne LaPierre broke his silence and in a speech that was really more a fulmination, argued that my 26 neighbors would still be alive today if school personnel had been armed: “The only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is with a good guy with a gun." The message, coming before all the Sandy Hook children and their teachers were buried in the cold December earth, was remarkable for its simplicity and its callousness. LaPierre steamrolled over the deep sorrow the nation was experiencing with a single message: It's not about the guns.

And that's when it really hit me. What the people of Newtown wanted — and indeed all Americans at that moment wanted and still want — was an honest discussion about how something as awful as Sandy Hook could happen, and how to prevent it from happening again. LaPierre made it clear the NRA was going to do everything in its power to thwart genuine debate. At that point I realized I needed to better understand the NRA. So with a few clicks on the NRA website, I became a member.

Those who oppose the NRA are beginning to match their adversary financially. Bloomberg has committed $50 million to the cause, while Americans for Responsible Solutions, founded by shooting victim and former Congresswoman Gabby Giffords, is on track to raise some $20 million. Mothers are pressuring stores like Target and Kroger to ban guns from their aisles, gathering neighbors in their homes, signing online petitions, and the like. The venerable Brady Center to Prevent Gun Violence, whose namesake died in August, continues its state-by-state lobbying. There are families of victims, like my friends Mark Barden and Nicole Hockley, who lost their first-graders Daniel and Dylan at Sandy Hook; and Richard Martinez, whose son Christopher was slain in Santa Barbara. Slowly, they're galvanizing hearts and minds for what they hope will be a reasonable conversation about gun culture run amok.

But the NRA is still ahead of its fragmented opposition. President Obama alluded to this after the Santa Barbara shootings this May: "Honestly this is not going to change unless the people who want to prevent these kinds of mass shootings from taking place feel at least as passionate, at least as mobilized and well-funded as the NRA and the gun manufacturers."

As the NRA's new slogan, unveiled at its annual convention in Indianapolis this April, stated, "Bloomberg is one guy with millions. We're millions with our 25 bucks." After the Sandy Hook massacre, I became one of those millions — and a student of the NRA.

Illustration by Rob Dobi for BuzzFeed

As a Connecticut Yankee and occasional hunter, I appreciate the role of firearms in American life. My grandfather was a U.S. Army captain, worked in the weapons business in Hartford, and owned a Colt sidearm. I own a couple of shotguns and rifles. When I inherited or bought them from hunting buddies — without a background check — I consulted the NRA's website for tips on how to safely secure them.

I have padded through old apple orchards in Vermont listening for the drumming of ruffed grouse. On many Columbus Day weekends I have walked a line of shotguns stalking pheasant, partridge, and quail in the Catskills. I have even written for the Wall Street Journal about stalking wild boar in the cane fields around Florida's Lake Okeechobee and in France's Loire Valley.

Like millions of Americans — and the Lanzas — I have NRA certificates in my house. One says my son qualified at his Vermont wilderness camp as a "sharpshooter" under the Marksmanship Qualification Program with a .22-caliber rifle in the 50-foot course of fire. It is signed by the secretary of the NRA, the camp's instructor, and the president of Winchester Ammunition. This NRA taught him how to store, load, and clean his weapon; how to stand before his target, at the range, earplugs in and eyewear safely affixed.

The organization was founded in 1871 by Union Army veterans who were dismayed by their troops' lack of marksmanship. Their goal was "to promote firearms and hunting safety, to enhance marksmanship skills of those participating in the shooting sports, and to educate the general public about firearms in their historic, technological, and artistic context." This is an organizational aim I understand.

Its political activities, which today overshadow its didactic origins, took off in 1975 when the NRA established the Institute for Legislative Action, "recognizing the critical need for political defense of the Second Amendment." Today's NRA is a $256 million nonprofit. About half of that comes from membership dues, leaving lots of room for contributions from a gun industry hell-bent on ensuring it is regulated as lightly as possible.

This became apparent immediately after my membership became active. My inbox jammed up with emails from LaPierre and ILA Executive Director Chris Cox, warning me that my rights will soon be curtailed, stripped away from me by "gun grabbers" exploiting the horror at Sandy Hook Elementary School.

Free stuff started arriving in the mail: a shooter's cap, black with the NRA logo emblazoned in gold. An envelope with a sticker that resembled the ones affixed to cars all over Newtown. Instead of "We Choose Love" or angels and green ribbons, an eagle clutches two rifles against a red, white, and blue shield.

And every month American Hunter magazine began showing up. It served up an unsubtle helping of gun idolatry at the front of the book, with its "Armed Citizen" column summarizing crime reports in which good guys with guns repel baddies. "Standing Guard," LaPierre's monthly rant, follows along with an editorial from the NRA's rotating president.

But American Hunter also offered quality service journalism for outdoorsmen and hunters with headlines like "6 Bow-tuning Tips" and "Gundogs: A Pointer on Flushers." July provided a feature on hunting aoudad rams in the Davis Mountains of Texas. The meat of the magazine is engaging. Most months, legislative bulldog Cox signs off with his "Political Report" column.

The magazine's editorial sandwich of valuable content wedged between ideological tirades neatly illustrates the NRA's methodology. Much as the AARP does for its elderly members, key to the organization's sway over its membership is an extraordinary ability to graft ideology to a basic consumer product — one that costs just $25 a year (or $35 without one of the many available discounts). The NRA membership is more than a marketing tool. It is the delivery mechanism for a dogmatic worldview that its opponents struggle to emulate.

Illustration by Rob Dobi for BuzzFeed

At the end of the Glick Peace Walk in downtown Indianapolis, a Christian youth group bearing a "Honk for Traditional Marriage" sign stood beneath a railroad trellis adorned with a banner advertising the convention inside — thousands of conventiongoers visiting around 600 different exhibits occupying the 400,000 square feet of floor space.

As I entered the midway, a child handed me a flyer for the 3MR fire control system, which claimed to reduce split time and allow for the fastest reset possible on a gun like the one Lanza used to mow down my neighbors' kids. "Has the 3MR changed the way I approach my livelihood? Who wants to know?" it read.

I passed wild boar earrings to game cookbooks, antique Italian firearms to headlamps for hunting hogs. The biggest exhibits were those of gunsmiths like Remington, Ruger, and Beretta. There was an abundance of what the industry calls tactical weaponry, or "black guns," something of a misnomer now that they come in pink and other colors marketed to women and kids.

At the Beretta stand, prominence was given to its new line of ARX 160 assault rifles, modeled after the ones it supplies the Italian army. My own preferred field weapon is a Beretta 12-gauge over-and-under shotgun made in the village of Gardone val Trompia, just outside of Brescia.

Nobody matches Beretta's long-term perspective on the gun business: It's been making weapons for half a millennium. At its headquarters, which I visited last year, it proudly displays a 1526 bill of sale for 185 arquebus barrels to the Arsenal of Venice for 296 ducats. General manager Carlo Ferlito called the spike in tactical arms sales a fad reflecting two basic fears: the possibility that President Obama would enact gun control legislation, and the other, economic.

"When Americans feel under pressure … they tend to want to protect themselves," Ferlito told me. The thinking, he said, is, "Once the policemen do not have money to protect me anymore, because the economic crisis reduced the amount that can be spent on security, I have to protect myself and so I buy something to protect my home and my children." Though Ferlito did not expect the torrid growth in black gun sales to be sustainable, he predicted the category would remain robust in the United States.

Heading further into the hall, I encountered a succession of gun-world celebrities. People queued at the Sportsman Channel's booth to meet R. Lee Ermey, who played Gunnery Sergeant Hartman in Full Metal Jacket. Bass Pro Shops presented Theresa Vail, an expert M16 marksman and the first Miss America contestant to openly display tattoos in the swimsuit competition.

I swapped feral pig stories with a salesman from Lightfield Ammunition, which sells Boar Buster shells. Lightfield also sells Zombie Blaster ammo, "intended for close encounter combat with a Zombie (or several when the apocalypse happens)." Teens lined up at the Bushmaster stand to take selfies with a massive gun that looked like it belonged on a Humvee in Afghanistan.

In many ways, it felt like just another trade show, apart from the occasional snarky asides from fellow conferees ("Obama's done more for gun sales than anybody"), the monumental stand broadcasting the collected speeches of LaPierre, and the acres of guns. Friends whose only knowledge of the NRA is derived from LaPierre’s televised tirades warned me to be careful, as if I were a black man heading to a Klan rally. In reality, fellow attendees were welcoming and, for the record, not entirely white.

Rather, the most distinctive element was a general sense of impending doom, a pervading belief that America is swiftly going down the tubes. This sentiment was particularly evident at the 5th Annual Freedom First Financial Seminar, one of the many sessions taking place off the main exhibition carnival.

Tim Fisher, the director of planned giving for the NRA, kicked off the session. He was having a busy morning; across the street his office was running a seminar on "Creating a Constitutionally Centered Estate Plan." Fisher injected a financial variation of the NRA worldview about trusting government: "You may not have a plan for your assets when you die, but you can bet they has one for you." With that, he thanked the audience and left some flyers that explained how to include the NRA in your last will and testament.

Fisher handed off to Shad Ketcher, a Minnesotan wealth manager who first joined the NRA at 12 with $20 he made from detasseling corn. Ketcher opened a briefcase full of fake money: "Our paper dollars are getting worth less and less." That fearsome preamble began a lecture on the need to include commodities and precious metals alongside traditional investments like stocks, bonds, and cash.

Ketcher talked about rising market volatility and the increased correlation of asset classes. He laid out a rational argument for diversification, ending on a note that aligns nicely with the overall sense of impending doom permeating the convention. Gold, he notes, is an "insurance policy to protect against inflation or disaster."

And that nicely set up featured speaker and session sponsor Mike Fuljenz of Universal Coin & Bullion. He kicked off with a giveaway. The person with the birthday closest to his son's, Sept. 5, would receive a prize. A few hands went up — Sept. 18, Sept. 25. I raised mine — Sept. 6. Fuljenz handed me a baggie with five squares of gold.

He then presented a thesis that gold coins will hold their worth better than other assets. This, he said, may surprise people, given "a bias against gold" in the media. It was a well-argued sales pitch, hewing nicely to the pervasive NRA message that America is going to hell in a handbasket. According to Mike's "Personal Gold Guide," the precious metal offers "protection against a declining dollar" and "a geo-political crisis hedge."

After the seminar, I examined my bag of gold. Each square represented a gram of 24-karat gold worth some $40, for a total value of over $200. Handouts like this are a big feature of the NRA. Nearly every convention stand has an enticing raffle coaxing people to hand over their email addresses. There are free guns, ammo, and trips. All year, NRA members receive promotions and discounts on goods and services. A recent sampling from my inbox includes: life insurance, a wine club, a Visa card, and two protection plans against identity theft.

At the convention, these promotions came to life. The NRA Cigar Club table offered 12-month memberships for $400, promising five premium hand-rolled smokes a month from the finest cigar makers in the world. The NRA Wine Club allows members to "defend basic freedoms with every wine shipment and wine order." On their own, these invitations can feel like spam. Taken as a whole, they communicate a message of belonging to a special cohort of aggrieved citizens who understand something the rest of us do not.

As I walked the floor, I had an urge to ask some of the people I met the questions that I suspect my friends in Newtown who lost their children would want answered. Where do they draw the line on gun regulation? What limits would be acceptable? But I held my tongue. It wasn’t just that I was attending as a member, rather than as a journalist or advocate. It didn’t feel like an environment where genuine debate would be welcome. Come to think of it, that’s worked pretty well up until now.

Illustration by Rob Dobi for BuzzFeed

Rob Ford Drops Out Of Toronto Mayor's Race

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His brother Doug Ford is running for mayor in his place.

Updated — 1:45 p.m. ET

Updated — 1:45 p.m. ET

Mayor Rob Ford pauses while participating in a mayoral debate in Toronto.

AP Photo/The Canadian Press, Darren Calabrese


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6 Ways You're Eating McDonald's Wrong

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