“How’s your penis?”
24 Types Of Pickup Lines Every Gay Man Comes To Expect
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David Cameron And Ed Miliband Got Grilled On TV And The Internet Took The Piss
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Here's Chris Evans, Human Dorito, On An Actual Bag Of Doritos
You’ve made it tumblr.
Once upon a time, in a land far far away, the greatest tumblr tag in the history of tumblr tags was written.
And it inspired a revolution.
Because honestly, where is the lie?
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29 Reasons Why Queensland Cops Are The Funniest Cops
Riot on Facebook.
Earlier today Queensland Police once again proved their mastery of Facebook.
The page has a long history of trolling One Direction fans.
And generally *getting* the internet.
The characters that matter.
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21 Times Tumblr Got Way Too Real About Unemployment
Help me, I’m poor.
When you applied to LITERALLY every job opening you could find because you were desperate for money.
When you realized college didn't actually prepare you for the real world.
When you finally understood the value of "earned income."
When you realized you weren't prepared for job interviews.
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What Is Your Soulmate Doing Right Now?
Aside from waiting for you and your bad self to ~rock their world~.
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16 Times Calories Literally Don't Count
Ignorance is bliss.
When it's your birthday.
Duh.
HBO
Or anybody else's birthday.
DOUBLE duh.
Via bustle.com
Pretty much any holiday ever in existence, really.
NBC
Whenever Taylor Swift stabs the food first.
NOT FEELING SO SATURATED ANYMORE, ARE YOU, FAT?!
Via youtube.com
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This Video Shows How Ridiculous It Would Be If People Left Parties The Way They Leave Facebook
Just go already!
Everyone knows somebody who has made way too big a deal about leaving Facebook. CollegeHumor made this hilarious video showing how absurd it would be if a person left a party the same way.
youtube.com / Via youtube.com
There's always that one random "friend"...
CollegeHumor / Via youtube.com
You might not even have remembered that they were there, but damn it, you will know it when they leave.
CollegeHumor / Via youtube.com
And even though you didn't ask why, they are gonna give you an explanation.
CollegeHumor / Via youtube.com
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17 Colorful DIYs That Are Perfect For Spring
The brighter, the better.
Jenny Chang / BuzzFeed
Store spring flowers in this easy two-minute vase.
Made with just a glass bottle, scissors, and adhesive tape. Directions here.
Brighten up a white mug using tissue paper and dishwasher-safe Mod Podge.
Tutorial here.
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California Woman's Kidnapping And Ransom Was A Hoax, Police Say
The abduction and $8,500 ransom for 29-year-old Denise Huskins appears to have been “orchestrated,” police said Wednesday night. Update: Huskins’ boyfriend, who first reported the kidnapping, denies it was a hoax, his attorneys said Thursday.
Vallejo Police
Denise Huskins showed up at her father's apartment in Southern California two days after her boyfriend, Aaron Quinn, reported her kidnapping, which police now say was "orchestrated" by the couple.
Vallejo Police Lt. Kenny Park said in a news conference Wednesday night that the search for Denise Huskins was a "wild goose chase." Park added that criminal charges against Huskins and Quinn are possible.
Huskins had initially indicated she would cooperate with police when she surfaced Wednesday morning, but later hired a lawyer and ceased contact with authorities. The motive for a fake kidnapping and subsequent ransom remains unclear.
Quinn's attorneys held a news conference Thursday and denied their client was involved in a hoax. They described Quinn as traumatized and said he was not able to call for help for about 10 hours after Huskins was kidnapped because he had been drugged.
Vallejo Police Department Lt. Kenny Park
KGO-TV
Quinn reported the kidnapping of his 29-year-old girlfriend Monday afternoon to police. He claimed strangers had abducted her from their San Francisco Bay Area home in the middle of the night.
"We initially had a hard time believing it," Park said of Quinn's claim.
The 30-year-old boyfriend said Huskins' kidnappers asked for $8,500 in ransom.
The search for Huskins involved the FBI, 40 detectives and about 100 searchers who focused on sweeping the land and the waters around Vallejo and Mare Island.
A car registered to Quinn was taken from the couple's home and later found at an unnamed location by police.
On Tuesday, the San Francisco Chronicle received an email from an anonymous person claiming to be the kidnapped woman. The email included an audio file of the woman speaking who identified herself as Huskins. It said Huskins could be returned safely the following day. Her father confirmed the voice heard in the email was his daughter's, the Chronicle reported.
On Wednesday morning, the search effort was called off after Huskins showed up outside of her father's apartment in Southern California.
Her father, Mike Huskins, immediately informed the Huntington Beach Police Department and Denise indicated she would corporate with detectives. The FBI then arranged to have her flown to Northern California, police said.
"She wasn't crying at all. She just said, 'Daddy, I'm OK,' " Huskins told the Associated Press after being reunited with his daughter.
Denise Huskins has now hired a lawyer and is hiding in an unknown location, Park said Wednesday night. He said her father has also reportedly stopped communicating with them.
It is still not clear how Huskins traveled more than 400 miles from Vallejo to Huntington.
Park said Huskins and Quinn could face state or federal charges.
"Mr. Quinn and Ms. Huskins have plundered valuable resources," Park said Wednesday night at the news conference. "If anything, it is Mr. Quinn and Ms. Huskins who owe our community an apology."
Huskins' Uncle, Jeff Kane, told CBS Sacramento that the police's statements Wednesday night were "reckless" and could be considered character assassination of Huskins. He rejected the possibility that the kidnapping was a hoax.
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11 Easy-To-Find Ingredients Every Aspiring Witch Needs
Some of the most potent ingredients for magic can actually be found in your local grocery store.
Some kids watched The Little Mermaid and Snow White and dreamed of being princesses of sea and land and everything in between. Stores were bursting with princess paraphernalia, outfits, toys, and books that indulged this fantasy. But other kids watched these movies and dreamed of being the badass witches that were making magic happen. Where was our paraphernalia? Where was our happily ever after?
Movies and TV shows that feature witchcraft often make it seem like you need access to a super-special witch store to get the right magical ingredients, but a lot of the most potent materials for witchcraft can be found in your local grocery store. For the magical practice we started at BuzzFeed, we consulted A Century of Spells by Draja Mickaharic.
In addition to our spell book, we consulted Katelan Foisy, a witch and artist who co-owns London Conjure, a company specializing in traditional magical readings. "You can make incredible things happen with limited ingredients," Foisy told BuzzFeed. Below are just a few of the items that you can easily find to start your witchcraft practice today.
Katelan Foisy
Sugar
Sugar is used primarily as an attracting agent in magic, "sweetening" people to your wishes, whether they be potential lovers or business customers.
In Practice: "Use to sweeten a business and draw in more customers. Sprinkle a little sugar in front of the entrance to work in order to draw people in. Add cinnamon for a boost as cinnamon is considered extremely lucky," Foisy told BuzzFeed.
Libra Photo / Getty Images
Mint
Mint can be used in your magical practice to make charms work faster or to better prepare your mind and intentions to be aligned with the intentions of a charm. It can be used in a spray or sprinkle to increase the mental vibrations of a place, so putting it in a school or office is ideal.
In Practice: Mix a teaspoon of dried mint leaf in a cup of boiling water and let it come to room temperature. Add the cup of water to your hair as a rinse after you wash your hair and rinse it. When you rinse the mint tea out, make sure to scrub your scalp thoroughly. This will stimulate mental activity and remove dullness.
Flickr: 52748818@N07 / Creative Commons
Rosemary
Rosemary got its name from the Latin Rosmarinus meaning "dew of the sea" and is considered to have powerful properties across a wide range of magical traditions, though it's typically used for protection and cleansing rituals. It can placed under pillows, in pockets, or secured in infant bedrooms to protect children from negative forces and energy.
In Practice: "Keep a sprig of rosemary by your heart and it will always remain open," Foisy told BuzzFeed.
Flickr: grongar / Creative Commons
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Rihanna And Jim Parsons Play "Never Have I Ever"
Although you'd never expect music goddess Rihanna and the loveably nerdy Big Bang Theory actor Jim Parsons to star in a movie together, the two have teamed up in the heartwarming and whimsical animated film, Home. A story about an alien and a human girl on a search to find her family, the film reminds us all that your home is more than just a house.
We sat down with the stars to chat about the adorable new film, and played a little round of Home-themed "Never Have I Ever." Here's what went down.
Never have I ever been on a road trip.
Rihanna: Tour, the entire America! Anytime we go to Vegas we love to drive. Even to Santa Barbara, Napa. It could be a car, it could be a trailer, it could be a tour bus. The tour bus is the best!
Jim Parsons: You love it!
R: I love it. Better than the plane!
JP: You like it better than the plane?
R: Way better!
JP: Why?
R: Because you don’t have to do anything but lay there. You lay there for hours. You can do whatever you want for hours. You could watch TV, you could cook a little bit — microwaveable — and then you can sleep, watch TV again, you know. The sleeping is way better, you just get rocked to sleep.
JP: Aw, like a baby! Um, I took a road trip from Houston, Texas, to San Diego, California, when I went to grad school, and I just drove there.
Never have I ever had a cat as a pet.
JP: I’m allergic.
R: I’ll just block this off, because I’m not offended by the idea. My mom is more offended by the idea. I used to save these kittens — we had stray kittens in the street but they weren’t really stray, they belonged to a home they were just never at that home. So they were just like community cats kind of, and they would go in the gutters to have their babies and I would hear them crying, go rescue them, give them a little shower with my hair conditioner, keep ‘em in a bucket, feed them.
JP: Why your hair conditioner?
R: Because I felt like they needed to be clean. There was like moss and ringworms and you gotta [clean them]. It wouldn’t last more than a night because I’d do it in the night and my mom would kick them out in the morning. She didn’t like cats. I love them! And I would go rescue one every time a mother gave birth.
So that’s kind of in the middle?
R: Yes! (twirls sign)
Never have I ever believed in aliens.
JP: Now I feel like I should cover the “duh."
R: “Ish.”
JP: It’s a loose “yeah.” My thing I keep saying is I feel like the universe is so big it’d be foolish to pull out the “no” for it, you know?
R: How do you say maybe? (twirls sign) That’s my answer.
Never have I ever had a dance party in my car.
R: ALL the time!
JP: Not all the time for me, but I have.
R: All the time! I mean, right now I really love “Jealous” by Nick Jonas and any time that comes on — anywhere, not just the car, but definitely in the car — my assistant and I, we go crazy. I have several videos on my phone that I’ve never released. Having dance parties in our car, don’t be jealous!
JP: I’m not! I think that’s really nice. It’s hard to say what’s gonna set me and my people off. Not as much anymore, but when I was younger. It’s true, you know, I’ve grown out of dancing in my car— is it sad? Or I’ve just become a better driver!
R: No, you dance in your car!
JP: I do! (dances)
R: It might not be a full on “the robot.”
JP: You’re right, you’re right. That would be dangerous!
R: You know, you give a little bit of this (dances). You don’t do that?
JP: Sure. I’m going to start doing more of it now. I don’t do any of that.
R: Untz, untz, untz. Like this, at traffic like, (dances).
JP: I’ll do it
R: Do it now!
JP: You like that? (laughs)
Never have I ever had an imaginary childhood friend.
R: Oh my god, do I have to admit this?! I didn’t have an imaginary childhood friend, but I did one day imagine somehow tiny green men, and they were only tiny and green because my brother had a ton of toy soldier toys that came on a skateboard plank type of thing, and I just envisioned in this car driving to church with my mom, they were there. And I was talking to them telling them, “OK, I’m gonna be right back! Bye!” And then I opened the door to jump out the car, moving on the highway.
JP: In real life?!
R: Honest to god! And my mother, she reached back through the front seat and slammed the door shut. But the wind that came in freaked me out! You learn a lot as a kid, like you don’t know anything. I didn’t know what was gonna happen if I opened the door. I thought I was gonna be in another world somehow.
Like Narnia?
R: Yes, exactly like that!
JP: How old were you?
R: I was like, 4.
JP: I mean honest to god, we’re lucky she’s here.
None for you, Jim?
JP: No, no. Thank god!
R: Not safe to have an imaginary friend.
Never have I ever snuck out of my house at night.
JP: I mean, you had to. At certain points you had to.
R: I don’t feel like I had to.
JP: OK, I had to.
R: Actually, I’m lying, I’m lying, oh my goodness! One time I did. I went to this school pageant, which my mom was fine with. I went with some girlfriends and my brother, and when we were leaving to go back home — you know, some of the older kids wanted to go to the club like a party — and I figure I’m gonna go with them! But I’m gonna send my brother home because I don’t want my brother to tell where I’m going — this is so stupid. He went home and it’s obviously like, “Where are the rest of them?” You know, and we’re in the club. My aunt and my mom, they marched down to that club and they DRAGGED us out. I was just 14. No, I’m lying, I was younger. At 14 I was allowed to go because I had older girlfriends. At the time, all my friends were boys. So it was like, not gonna work.
JP: Bad news.
R: But I was a tomboy too. But when Melissa— my best friend — when I found her it was like, “YES, you can go wherever you want!” She was responsible and loved my mom.
Jim, was yours successful, did you caught?
JP: No, I didn’t run into much trouble with that. But it’s funny, I was thinking you always wanna do adult things that you’re not quite supposed to be able to do yet, so that's way I said you “have” to. Which I guess you don’t have to! This is not a bad message for children. I just, I don’t know. I don’t regret any of those times.
Never have I ever wanted to be an astronaut.
JP: No, but I have much adoration for it.
R: No, I wanted to go to space though. Or wondered what it would be like. I still wonder actually.
Would you ever go on the Mars trip?
JP: No.
R: I mean, after the first five years of like failures, yes. After those trials. I need trial and errors first!
Never have I ever been on spring break.
JP: Oh yeah.
R: Hell yeah! We went to spring break and I broke my toe the first night I got there. I wasn’t doing anything crazy, just walking, and there happened to be like a 100-pound solid mahogany wooden chair right there in the way of my toe. We went to Mexico.
JP: How old were you?
R: I was just 19. My first vacation.
JP: Was it before or after we heard you sing, “Umbrella, ella, ella?”
R: It was right after! (laughs) Yeah, 'cause we met right after “Umbrella” came out so it was right after.
JP: Stars, they’re just like us! They break their toe in Mexico! When I was young, we would stay in town and just hang out. We stayed in the neighborhood and did stuff.
R: You made your own spring break!
JP: Without a doubt.
Never have I ever gotten a speeding ticket.
JP: Yes.
R: Still waiting on my license, so, no.
JP: What’s that about?
R: It’s about my schedule! Speak to them.
JP: Oh now!
R: No, but they all want me to get it too.
JP: Why? Where do they want you to drive so badly?
R: I want to drive! I love to drive! I drive at home in Barbados.
JP: 'Cause you’re allowed to?
R: Yes, it’s on the whole other side of the street so I have to learn.
JP: How different is it?
R: Complete opposite side of the street, different road rules. The car is different as well. Which is fine! I just haven’t gotten around to it. You?
JP: Yes! I’ve had a speeding ticket. Not in many, many years. But when I was young. What?! It wasn’t like I was that bad! But you know, I just didn’t care. Well, that’s not true. I just had tickets (laughs).
Watch Rihanna and Parsons dish about their dance parties and show off their stellar moves in the clip below:
You can see Home in theaters everywhere today.
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Which Of Jim Halpert's Pranks Should You Pull This April Fools' Day?
Let “The Office” class clown plan an April 1st you’ll never forget.
NBC
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A Grandma Went Viral For Her Hilariously Posed Real Estate Pictures
“I was almost crying because I was laughing so hard,” her granddaughter told BuzzFeed.
The results were pretty epic, so her 15-year-old granddaughter, Makenzie Ball, tweeted them. The tweet went super viral, getting over 15,000 retweets by Friday afternoon.
Unfortunately, the photos weren't actually included in the listing; Makenzie said her aunt took them to be funny.
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Recovering From An Eating Disorder
One brave young woman’s story.
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A Boy Who Got A Military Haircut In Honor Of His Stepbrother Was Sent Home From School For It
The elementary schooler was sent home with a note from the principal that the haircut was a “distraction.”
Student Adam Stinnett was sent home from Bobby Ray Memorial Elementary School in McMinnville, Tennessee, recently, with the school citing his haircut as a "distraction," WZTV Nashville reported.
The 7-year-old had what's known in the military as a high and tight cut.
"I want to be in the army and I want to help the world," Adam Stinnell told WZTV Nashville.
He asked his mother for the haircut to honor his stepbrother, Justin, a soldier who has served in Afghanistan.
"He looks up to Justin a lot and he wants to be like him, and the hair cut was a way to show his appreciation and his love toward his step brother," Stinnell said,
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Who Should Star In A Remake Of "Clue?"
The real mystery is why hasn’t this happened yet?
This December, the board game-inspired Clue will celebrate it's 30th Anniversary — and rise from commercial flop to cult-classic.
Regardless of how you feel about remakes, they're a reality. So why hasn't it been remade yet?
Not that we necessarily want to mess with a classic (we're on the record as being HUGE Clue fans at BuzzFeed), but in a post-Battleship, pre-Ghostbusters reboot movie landscape, it boggles the mind that an ensemble comedy centered around a parlor murder mystery with a household name title, existing product tie-ins, and six or more heavily branded characters hasn't been remade AT LEAST once in the 20 years since Clue and it's three endings were released theatrically.
With that in mind, here's our dream cast for the inevitable (probably soon) remake of Clue.
Paramount Pictures
Jason Merritt / Getty Images
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21 Totally Breathtaking Trails To Hike Before You Die
Hit the dusty road.
Angel's Landing in Zion National Park, Utah
Flickr: sackton / Creative Commons
Flickr: 23155134@N06 / Creative Commons
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This Comedian Called Out Celebs Like Katy Perry Who Don't Call Themselves Feminists In A Hilarious Song
“Sorry babe, but you’re a feminist.”
Musical comedian Katie Goodman took to the piano for a recent performance where she addressed the confusion that surrounds the "other f-word" with her song, "Sorry babe, you're a feminist."
"Read an interview with a young actress, said she wasn't a feminist," Goodman's song begins. "What are you picturing? Castrating men while wearing sensible shoes?"
Katie Goodman / Via youtube.com
The song makes the point that the very act of being a woman who states her opinion in public and chooses how to label or not label herself IS in itself feminist.
"You're not a feminist," she sings. "You know who else isn't? Boko Haram, Rush Limbaugh, The Taliban... you might wanna call yourself a feminist."
Katie Goodman / Via youtube.com
Goodman even sent her a tweet:
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Are You More Like Meredith Or Olivia?
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