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37 Joyful Solutions To British Problems, According To Amy Poehler

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Matthew Tucker / BuzzFeed

1. Tube strikes.

"More walking."

2. Wanting to use an Uber but the surge price is too expensive.

"The anger of that may cause you to go to a pub, to let off some steam, and you could meet your future wife there."

3. Hearing someone tut behind your back.

"If you are King Tut you would not be upset by that, so it could be just someone recognising you."

4. Going outside for five minutes and then getting the worst tanline.

Kelly Sue DeConnick / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: kellysue

5. Calling your teacher "mum."

"The upside of that is you don't have to see your mum on the weekends."

6. Forgetting a new colleague’s name.

"When you forget a colleague’s name there is an upside, which is you can use that embarrassment to go to the pub, and get a pint, and meet your future wife."

7. Words that would horrify any Brit: “There are no more English muffins.”

Simon Cocks / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: simon_cocks

8. Having underwhelming British thunderstorms.

"You have an inferiority complex about your thunderstorms? OK, good to know. Well, when you get everything you want you can become a very insufferable person, so your minor thunderstorms is what makes the Brits so interesting. I told you I’m good at this."

9. Saying sorry to someone when you didn’t mean to say sorry.

Tortoon / Getty Images

10. Adding a kiss to an email and it isn’t intended.

"Well, if you add a kiss to an email and you don’t mean to, I would lean into it, and do that for every one of your friends for the next five years."

11. Not being able to shop due to Sunday trading laws.

"Sunday is the Lord's Day, and I’d like us to remember that. Maybe the Lord needs a few of your hours and less of you shopping for biscuits."

12. Receiving an email saying “Can we have a quick chat?” from your boss.

iStockRelease / Thinkstock

13. Getting into an amazing British show and there are only six episodes.

"I understand this dilemma. The Brits did it right, man, they did six and they’re out. The upside to this is that it’s hard to do one episode let alone six, but you know I really wish those Brits would do more episodes, those lazy bastards."

14. Being too hot to sleep under a duvet.

"This is a good opportunity to flash your roommates and pretend that it is because you are uncomfortable."

15. People putting on a British accent when you are abroad.

Pablo Garcia Sanchez / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: lordferguson

16. Having a lottery ticket but only getting two numbers.

"The upside of this is that lottery ruins lives, and every single person that wins ends in disaster."

17. Receiving an unexpected call with an "unknown number".

JEAN-SEBASTIEN EVRARD/AFP / Getty Images

18. Going abroad and suffering British bank card charges.

"You are out of your element, out of your comfort zone, and toughen up."

19. Getting splashed by a taxi in the rain.

"You could pretend you wanted that to happen, turn it into an art piece. Sell your jacket for a million dollars at the Tate. They don't sell art at the Tate, but if they did."

20. Saying “just one drink” and then having 20 drinks.

"The upside of this is that you don’t listen to your inner guv'nor and you’re a person who makes their own choices."

21. There is no Cadbury's chocolate when you go abroad.

Matt Cardy / Getty Images

22. Falling asleep drunk on the last train and then waking up miles away.

"The upside to this is that you can pretend that you are in a movie, you're in an adventure, a film about your own life, and you can act that if you don’t get the microchip back into the hands of the scientists in time the world will explode."

23. Eyeing up someone on the tube but not being confident enough to go and speak to them.

"Anyone who ever approached me on a train — this would be probably a dealbreaker. I don’t know that I would want to be approached on a train. Films would tell you otherwise. I think being in an enclosed tube is not the best time to tell a woman that her hair is pretty."

24. Hoping to get some posh croissants in Waitrose but there aren't any.

[In a very posh voice] "Well, the good news I’m sure is that you can scream at a manager, and correct the problem, and you can also get someone fired. And your driver at the very least can get you to the next location comfortably."

25. Three days of sun and then it rains.

"The upside is change is good, rain is life. [laughs] YOU HAD THREE DAYS OF SUN! What more do you want? Fuck."

26. Being told abroad that all you British people talk about is the weather.

Matt Cardy / Getty Images

27. Everyone abroad thinking that you know the Queen.

"The upside to this is that it might encourage you to actually get to know the Queen, and you might be so motivated that you meet the Queen. I don’t know how it works here but I imagine that you just make an appointment."

28. Pouring too much milk into your tea.

"Think of the colours you’ll see!"

29. The horrifying words, “Please pay for Wi-Fi using a credit or debit card.”

"The upside is that most likely while your head is bowed in front of your laptop, life is happening in front of you and you are missing it, so you might have to do something, like god forbid, reading a book or look at someone in the eye."

30. Staying in the hospital overnight.

"A lot of people don’t know this: That’s the best time to party! People really party at night in the hospital! If you watch any of doctor shows there’s a lot of sex going on, drugs, the doctors are all really handsome, so just have sex with a doctor."

31. People standing left on an escalator.

Matt Cardy / Getty Images

32. Smashing your iPhone screen when you’re drunk.

"Well, you’re going to feel bad the next day no matter what, so give yourself a reason."

33. Smashing your iPhone screen when you’re sober.

"Well, you’re going to feel bad that you’re not drunk and no one has asked you out to the pub, so give yourself a reason."

34. Smashing your iPhone screen sober but you tell others you did it drunk.

Alexi Kostibas / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: alexik

35. Finding out your favourite US show (cough, Parks and Recreation) has finished airing in America but won’t be on British television for months.

"There’s no getting over that. That’s horrifying. All the things you’ve mentioned, this is the one that is inexcusable. I would say go to bed, just go to bed until the show is on."

36. Trying to buy one root vegetable but it is packaged in a packet of six.

"The upside is that the onion farmers are having a tough year and they need your money."

37. The bars and clubs finish at midnight and you have nowhere to drink.

"Again, I can’t stress this enough. You’re at the pub. It’s closing. Where do I go? Perhaps I should give one more try with the woman I was eyeing earlier at the tube! Now she’s outside, so she’s safe! So you go up to her and say, 'Do you want to come to my house? I like to sleep over my covers because the duvet makes me too hot. I’ve got six onions, no croissants, and a lot of stories from being abroad.'

"And there you go: You’ve found your wife."

Inside Out is released in UK cinemas on Friday.


This Woman Grew "Vampire Fangs" That Left Her Too Embarrassed To Go Out In Public

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Charlotte Bateman, 49, didn’t want to go out in public after an undiagnosed gum disease did this to her teeth.

This is Charlotte Bateman, 49, a baker from Collington in Herefordshire.

This is Charlotte Bateman, 49, a baker from Collington in Herefordshire.

PA Real Life

She told PA Real Life that she had raised concerns about the fact that her teeth were "drifting" around her mouth, but her gum disease remained undiagnosed.

"When I would visit the dentist my gums would bleed so much during the examinations that they would have to stop and get me to rinse every time an instrument was put in my mouth," she said.

"One day, when I was flossing at home, a piece of debris got pushed up and lodged in my gum – gums are not meant to be soft like that. I knew something was seriously wrong."

Eventually, she was diagnosed with severe periodonatal disease in 2011. An X-ray taken during an orthodontic consultation showed that several of her teeth were exhibiting bone loss.

As a result she became locked in a year-long legal battle with her dentists, Smith, Holloman and Associated in Bromyard, Hertfordshire.

As a result she became locked in a year-long legal battle with her dentists, Smith, Holloman and Associated in Bromyard, Hertfordshire.

Picasa / PA Real Life

However, the saga has taken its toll on her. She told PA Real Life: "My neighbour, who hadn't seen me in a while, visited shortly after that appointment and was visibly shocked at how my teeth looked.

"I was so embarrassed. I didn't want to be seen in public after that. I retreated into myself and avoided social situations."

She says that as a result of her embarrassment, her business suffered: "I work in the wedding cake industry, which is very appearance-orientated," she said.

"Looking your best is vital. I have lots of face-to-face contact with clients and struggled to project an air of confidence."


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Non-Scots React To Photos Of Typical Edinburgh Things

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Spoiler: Everyone was freaked out by haggis pizza.

We sent 12 uncaptioned photos of Edinburgh to BuzzFeed offices in the US, Canada, Australia, Brazil, and London and asked them to write down the first thing that came into their heads. Twenty-two people replied. This is what they said.

Beltane Fire Festival

Beltane Fire Festival

Hayes (Washington DC): This has got to be the weirdest orgy I have ever seen.

Sarah (Toronto): That devil is clearly roasting a large marshmallow.

Grace (New York): Comic-Con is weird for you guys.

Matt (London): Is this Bjork's latest album cover?

Tom P (London): Fucking student drama groups.

Flickr: duckydebs / Creative Commons

Chips with salt n' sauce

Andrew (New York): Stir-fried tofu with some sweet and sour sauce to top it off?

Matt (London): It won't make me live longer, but I want it.

Tabatha (London): GET IN MY MOUTH RIGHT NOW. That looks bloody delicious.

Hayes (Washington DC): I think I want to eat that. But part of me is still distrusting. Is there haggis under there or something?

Sarah (Toronto): A sad version of poutine.

instagram.com

The Royal Edinburgh Military Tattoo

The Royal Edinburgh Military Tattoo

Hayes (Washington DC): The annual presenting of the House Cup at Hogwarts?

Matt (London): Scotland rehearsing for their Eurovision song entry?

Grace (New York): The flying monkeys from The Wizard of Oz are doing a flash mob.

Alex (London): The Scottish wildlings are lining up, preparing to storm The Wall, overrun Castle Black, and eventually claim The North for their own.

Andrew (New York): Is this Edinburgh men's fashion week?

Tom P (London): Fucking student drama groups.

Flickr: xlibber / Creative Commons


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21 Times Nicki Minaj Was A Role Model To Women

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“Promise me you’ll stay in school.”

First things first, Minaj will never let you think that you're not good enough.

She believes that women who know what they want are powerful.

At all times, she inspires others to speak their mind...

...and to not be afraid of being labelled a "bitch" for doing so.


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FYI, Charlie Bucket From "Charlie And The Chocolate Factory" Has Grown Up To Be Hot

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He got a golden ticket to hotness. Sorry not sorry.

This is how you'll remember Charlie Bucket from Tim Burton's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

This is how you'll remember Charlie Bucket from Tim Burton's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Warner Bros.

Vince Bucci / Getty Images

Kevin Winter / Getty Images


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21 GIFs That'll Make Your Stomach Fall Out Of Your Ass

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So you think you can Spiderman?

Some people like to live life on the edge.

Some people like to live life on the edge.

Cheung Jai / Via youtube.com

The very edge.

The very edge.

Like Cheung Jai, who you can see above casually walking along Times Square in Hong Kong.

Cheung Jai / Via youtube.com

This fad has been nicknamed 'rooftopping'.

This fad has been nicknamed 'rooftopping'.

James Kingston / Via youtube.com

Basically you climb up really tall things with no safety equipment.

Basically you climb up really tall things with no safety equipment.

James Kingston / Via youtube.com


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A Scottish Librarian Is Collecting A Soccer Jersey From Every Country In The World

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Joe Johnston has been on a quest to collect a football shirt from every FIFA nation for the last five years.

Joe Johnson


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42 Things Kimye Do In Their Relationship That Normal People Couldn't

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God bless you, Kim and Kanye.

Wear matching leather trousers during a family trip to the zoo.

instagram.com

Have your child baptised in the same place as Jesus Christ.

instagram.com

Take a photo of your husband blindfolded on the way to his birthday surprise.

instagram.com

Which involves shutting down an entire basketball arena so your husband can play with all his friends.

instagram.com


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This Puntacular Version Of "Tainted Love" Made From Online Usernames Is Genius

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MEEP MEEP.

This splendid bit of work is by Jim Mortleman, 46, a Londoner based in Essex.

youtube.com

He describes himself as a "freelance biz/tech writer and amateur comedy poet/songsmith/satirist/punster".

He describes himself as a "freelance biz/tech writer and amateur comedy poet/songsmith/satirist/punster".

twitter.com

He's done a whole bunch of other parodies, which you can check out here.

He tells us the other punsters who contributed to the earlier vids were: "Kamran Malik, Steve Ellis, Woodstock Taylor, Christophe [sic] Gowans and Tabitha Raincloud".

Well done all.

38 Incredible Images Of Eid Al-Fitr 2015 From Around The World

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Eid Mubarak!

Karachi, Pakistan

Karachi, Pakistan

A Pakistani girl holds balloons as she leaves after Eid prayers at the start of the Eid al-Fitr holiday outside a mosque in Karachi on July 18, 2015.

RIZWAN TABASSUM/AFP / Getty Images

Saluzzo, Italy

Saluzzo, Italy

A boy poses during a celebration of Eid al-Fitr in a gymnasium in Saluzzo, near Turin, on July 17, 2015.

MARCO BERTORELLO/AFP / Getty Images


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This Couple Celebrated Their 40th Anniversary By Recreating The Wedding Photos They Took In 1975

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Awwwwww!

Jay Johnson, who goes by magic976 on Reddit, recently shared these super adorable photos of his parents on their wedding day.

Jay Johnson, who goes by magic976 on Reddit, recently shared these super adorable photos of his parents on their wedding day.

Courtesy of Jay Johnson / Via reddit.com

His parents recently decided to celebrate 40 years together by recreating the photos they took in 1975.

His parents recently decided to celebrate 40 years together by recreating the photos they took in 1975.

Courtesy of Jay Johnson / Via reddit.com

They don't line up exactly. The 2015 versions were taken at a different house.

They don't line up exactly. The 2015 versions were taken at a different house.

Courtesy of Jay Johnson / Via reddit.com

And the bike's a little nicer this time around.

And the bike's a little nicer this time around.

Courtesy of Jay Johnson / Via reddit.com


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We Asked Non Dutch People To React To Dutch Things And This Is What Happened

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They LOVED Queen Maxima but they hate that we eat raw herring.

We sent 17 uncaptioned photos of Dutch things to BuzzFeed offices in the US, Australia, Scotland and London and asked them to write down the first thing that came into their heads. 18 people replied. This is what they said:

Broodje Haring.

Broodje Haring.

Aquariagirl1970 / Getty Images

How do you feel about this?

Tabatha (London): I mean, it's a picture of a beheaded fish that's been covered in raw garlic and stuffed inside a school lunch-style bread roll. How do you think it makes me feel inside?

Flo (London): What the actual fuck is that. If you ate this sandwich on a hangover you would puke instantly. No, get it away.

Bryant (New York): Are there bones in that fish? How would this be OK to eat?

Tom (London): I feel intrigued and nauseated at the same time

Sophie (London): It makes me sad :( It looks like the most upsetting burger ever.

Hannah (London): Looking at this makes me feel angry and confused. Why would you ever want your burger to have a tail? Who came up with this monstrosity? Even looking at it gives me bad breath.

Febo.

Febo.

Creative Commons / Flickr: avetoro


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26 Things Everyone Remembers About #GrowingUpIrish

Which Female Celebrity Should Be Your BFF Based On Your Zodiac Sign?

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There’s only one way to find out.

47 Brilliant, Horrifying, And Bizarre Tattoos Of Celebrities


This Woman Shut Down Bullies Who Said Her Scars Made Them Uncomfortable

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Michelle Elman, who has gone through 15 surgeries, used to feel deeply ashamed of her scars.

Last week, Michelle Elman, a 21-year-old from London, decided to confront her insecurities surrounding her surgery scars and uploaded this bikini shot to Instagram.

instagram.com

I finally faced up to wearing a bikini and although, I love my body thoroughly and have for many years - this was one of the most difficult things I have ever done, yet once it was on, it was one of the most liberating feelings to know that I wasn't letting two pieces of material stop me from being comfortable in my own body.

Elman's scars used to make her feel so ashamed that she would hide her body.

Elman's scars used to make her feel so ashamed that she would hide her body.

The scars are the result of 15 surgeries, a brain tumor, a punctured intestine, an obstructed bowel, a brain cyst, and a condition called hydrocephalus.

When undergoing the surgeries Elman would worry about the marks they would leave. "I insisted that they cut on top of a previous scar so that they didn't create a new one," she told BuzzFeed News.

Michelle Ellman

"At school someone pointed at at my scar on my chest and said my nipple was showing, and then when I told them it wasn't a nipple, they teased me for having a third nipple. I've also had friends of the family when I was sunbathing tell me my scars will mean a boy will never be interested in me."


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37 Smells Every Australian Will Instantly Recognise

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Aromatherapy, Oz style.

The smell of banana lollies.

The smell of banana lollies.

What it smells like: A banana contaminated with nuclear waste.

Via lollywarehouse.com.au

The smell of a school swimming carnival.

The smell of a school swimming carnival.

What it smells like: Chlorine, wet towels and hormones.

USAG-Humphreys / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: usaghumphreys

The smell of election day.

The smell of election day.

What it smells like: Sausages and democracy.

OZinOH / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: 75905404@N00

The smell of a bowl of Weet-Bix you forgot to wash up.

The smell of a bowl of Weet-Bix you forgot to wash up.

What it smells like: Laziness.

Chris Rodley


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A Mother's Beautiful Photos Of Her Daughters Reveal The Bond Of Sisterhood

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Photographer Anna Larson's project Barely Different focuses on her daughters Semenesh and Haven, one of whom is adopted.

"Semenesh and Haven are their own individuals with very different personalities, yet I see so many similarities because of their closeness." she tells BuzzFeed.

"They are two souls from opposites sides of the world with different birth mothers who were brought together through adoption, and they’re now inseparable. It’s not skin that makes us different, or that causes separation and distance, it’s a lack of unity. When we grow beside another, our similarities bloom."

Anna Larson / anna-christine.com

Anna Larson / anna-christine.com

Anna Larson / anna-christine.com

Anna Larson / anna-christine.com

Anna Larson / anna-christine.com

Anna Larson / anna-christine.com

Anna Larson / anna-christine.com

Anna Larson / anna-christine.com

Anna Larson / anna-christine.com

Anna Larson / anna-christine.com

Anna Larson / anna-christine.com

Anna Larson / anna-christine.com

Anna Larson / anna-christine.com

Anna Larson / anna-christine.com

Anna Larson / anna-christine.com

Anna Larson / anna-christine.com

Anna Larson / anna-christine.com

Anna Larson / anna-christine.com

Anna Larson / anna-christine.com

Anna Larson / anna-christine.com

See more of Larson's work on her Instagram and Facebook pages.

27 Signs You're Second Generation Irish

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“Don’t even think about leaving this house without a jacket.”

You used to own a penny whistle.

And when you gave up trying to produce a nice sound from it, it was great for creeping up on people and blowing as hard as you could to scare the bejaysus out of them.

instagram.com

You know who Daniel O'Donnell is.

You know who Daniel O'Donnell is.

And your mum/grannie/auntie thought he was absolutely GORGEOUS.

Flickr: bransonmo / Creative Commons

You been given a souvenir from Lourdes.

You been given a souvenir from Lourdes.

It was probably a plastic statue of Our Lady with "Made in China" written on the back of it.

Flickr: chiefmoamba / Creative Commons

You did Irish dancing, or were an altar server, when you were a kid.

You had your hair tied up in socks the night before a dance competition and, to this day, you have no idea how it miraculously curled your hair.

instagram.com


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The Artist Behind That Gotye Video Has Created More Epic Body Art Installations

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She’s definitely somebody that you need to know.

Unless you were in hibernation for the entirety of 2011, you've probably heard Gotye and Kimbra's "Somebody That I Used To Know" and have watched the video clip.

Unless you were in hibernation for the entirety of 2011, you've probably heard Gotye and Kimbra's "Somebody That I Used To Know" and have watched the video clip.

But what you might not know about is the Australian body artist who made this clip so damn cool.

Universal Republic Records

This week, Emma Hack blessed the world with this installation at the launch of the very first Australian Body Art Festival.

This week, Emma Hack blessed the world with this installation at the launch of the very first Australian Body Art Festival.

Emma Hack

And seriously, wow. Her work is insane.

And seriously, wow. Her work is insane.

Emma Hack

I.N.S.A.N.E.

I.N.S.A.N.E.

Emma Hack


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