If you're about to spend the rest of your life with somebody, it probably shouldn't begin with a ring that's passed through your digestive tract.
With an e-card.
"Honey, I love you so much that the only way I can express it is with these words written by someone else. Also I'm too busy to see you IRL, ever."
Source: 123greetings.com
With an iPhone case.
"Schnookums, may your smartphone never shatter, just like my passion for you."
Source: zazzle.com
With some rocks.
"Look at it this way, sweetie-muffin: if we ever get divorced you can always toss these through the windshield of my Dodge Caravan."
Source: etsy.com
With tattoos.
"I'm so sure you'll accept my proposal, mon amour, that I'm willing to run the risk of your saying no and me painfully remembering every time I make a gesture."
Source: instagram.com